Dragonspaceballs
by Sawnya
Summary: V/B A/U a parody of Mel Brooks' Spaceballs movie.Vegeta is a drifter who saves Princess Bulma from being taken for ransom by Dark Horns (Frieza).Together, can they stop him from taking the Dragonspaceballs to wish for immortality?
1. Chapter One: Runaway Bride

DRAGONSPACEBALLS

**Disclaimer:  **I do not own DragonballZ or any of its characters, nor do I own "Spaceballs" (the movie that this story is based on), or any of its characters.  "Spaceballs" belongs to Mel Brooks, and whoever worked with him to make it.  Akira Toriyama, Toei Animation, Funimation, and whoever else is involved does.  I also do not own KFC, or "Simpsons" or Darth Vader or "Star Wars" or the "Spaceballs" theme song that I made a parody out of for this story.  I also do not own Foghorn Leghorn; Warner Bros does.  Why is Foghorn Leghorn in this story?  Just go along with me, you'll find out soon enough.  Any Tayla or Chestra characters that may sneak into this story that are not made up by those I mentioned belong to me, and I cannot be held responsible for the consequences or the planets they may destroy if you take them without permission (at least ask me first; I can be flexible).

P. S.  The song parody is mine as well.

**CAST OF CHARACTERS:**

**LONE STARR: **Known in this story as LONE PRINCE, played by Vegeta****

**BARF:  **Known in this story simply as Hurl, played by Nappa****

**PRINCESS VESPA:  **Known in this story as simply Princess Bulma, played byBulma

**DOT MATRIX:  **Known in this story as Chichi Matrix, played by Chichi****

**DARK HELMET:  **Known in this story as Dark Horns, played by Frieza****

**PRESIDENT SKROOB:  **Known in this story as President Screw, played by King Cold.  He's Dark Horns' father in this story, and like his counterpart, Skroob, he is a ladies' man, something that Dark Horns yearns to be.

**COLONEL SANDURZ: **Known in this story simply as Colonel Zarbon played by the obvious.****

**YOGURT:  **Known simply as Baba, again played by the obvious

**KING ROLAND: **King Briefs, played by Dr. Briefs****

**PRINCE VALIUM:  **Known as Prince Eatum, played by Goku.****

**CAMEOS: **Foghorn Leghorn (his role will be explained later) and possible Tayla of Astoria and/or Chestra characters.

**_So if you're free and happy, and you're living life on a dare,_**

**_I'm gonna make you suffer 'cause I really don't give a care_**

**_'Cause you got what I need, and all I want is immortality._**

**_Want Dragonspaceballs, right now!  Dragonspaceballs!_**

**_Now don't get in my face,_**

**_So fork over those Dragonspaceballs!_**

**_Uh!_**

****

**_Clearing a planet a day, the most fun I ever had!_**

**_You can hate me and cuss me out, but it's no use gettin' mad_**

**_'Cause there's nothin' you can do._**

**_Hold your breath 'til your face turns blue!_**

**_Dragonspaceballs!  I want those spaceballs!_**

**_Now don't get in my face!_**

**_Wanna live? Give up those dragonspaceballs!_**

**_Right now!_**

****

**_Now there's nothin' you can do._**

**_Go to mommy and cry boo-hoo!_**

**_Hahahahahaha!_**

**_Dragonspaceballs!_**

**_Right now!_**

**_Dragonspaceballs!_**

**_Now don't get in my face!_**

**_So gimme, gimme, gimme those Dragonspaceballs!_**

**_Like right now!_**

****

**_Dragonspaceballs!_**

**_Now don't get in my face!_**

**_Now gimme, gimme Dragonspaceballs_**

**_Right now!_**

****

**_I own the greatest mother ship_**

**_Wreck it, you'll get a fat lip!_**

**_Want Dragonspaceballs!_**

**_Right now!_**

****

**_So you think that you're all that_**

**_But to me you're just a rat!_**

**_Dragonspaceballs!_**

**_Right now!_**

****

**_Dragonspaceballs!_**

**_Right now!_**

**_Dragonspaceballs!_**

**_Now don't get in my face!_**

**_Gimme gimme Dragonspaceballs!_**

****

**_I'm mad and I'm mean._**

**_I enjoy hearing your screams._**

**_Dragonspaceballs!_**

**_Dragonspaceballs!_**

****

**_Want Dragonspaceballs!_**

**_Hehehehahahahaha!_**

The evil leaders of planet Screwball (sorry, people, it's not going to be called Ice)

Were basically screwed-up SOB's who weren't happy

With the long lives they had, and two leaders in particular, father and son,

President Screw (King Cold) and his son, Dark Horns (Frieza, who is this story wears a helmet fitting his head in first form and a dark, heavy cape)

Learned of the Dragonspaceballs, golden balls that like in the DBZ series can grant any wish

And that these special balls could only be found on planet Droolia

But Droolia, a normally peace-loving planet considered planet Screwball a menace to all living things, so they would not give them the Dragonspaceballs in secret hopes that the cursed Screwball race would die out, so naturally President Screw and his son did 

What any normal men of their nature and species would do; they decided to take Princess Bulma

Of Droolia captive in exchange for the precious Dragonspaceballs.

Today is Princess Bulma's wedding to Prince Eatum (Goku), whom she does not love, but since he is the only single Prince left within five million light-years, and she must marry a Prince,

She has no choice but to marry him.

If you can read this, you don't need glasses or a reading tutor (unless you are cheating and someone is reading this out loud to you).

Chapter One: Runaway Bride 

Dark Horn's mother ship was passing through at an extremely slow speed, and he was very happy on this aspect that Sawnya has allowed him to use the same mother ship that he uses in the other stories that she wrote and in DBZ.  He even liked the new black helmet and helmet that he wore which was shaped to his head in his first form perfectly, and the heavy, black cape was excellent, perfect to hide under whether he was carrying a concealed weapon, flicking off his father, President Screw, or…um…shall we say…giving himself a little self-love.

Captain Zarbon was admiring himself in his mirror for the hundredth time today, a small gold mirror that dangled constantly from his circlet, so that he could check his good looks and comb his hair on a moment's notice.  Of course a comb dangled from the circlet as well, and whenever Captain Zarbon needed to see anything but his handsome face, he could press a small button on the circlet, and the comb and mirror would put themselves away into a small gold pouch that dangled on the back of his head that was also attached to the circlet.

Porto Rico (played by Dodoria), entered the main control room just then, strutting about in all of his blubbery pink glory and eating from a giant bucket from KFC's "All You Can Eat For A Thousand Dollars" special that was being wheeled on a small wagon.  He belched loudly, as greasy saliva streamed out of his giant, slurpy mouth.  Captain Zarbon looked at Porto Rico with undisguised disgust.

"Captain Zarbon?"

"Yes, Porto?"

"You told me to tell you when we reached Planet Droolia right?"

"Yes, Porto.  And?"

"We've reached Droolia, sir," Porto Rico spoke, as he gobbled down two chicken breasts at once.

Captain Zarbon sighed, "You are a true Screwball, you know that, don't you, Dodoria?"

"Um, Captain, I'm called Porto in this story, remember?"

"Who gave you that screwball name?"

"Sawnya, sir.  She is calling me that in this story because I am fat and Rico was the original guy's name.  By the way, she also perceives me as having the hots for Lord Frieza."

"You have the hots for Frieza—I mean, Dark Horns?  Please tell me you're kidding!"

Porto Rico blushed uncomfortably, although a blush would not show on his pink skin.  "Umm…I've gotta go now, yeah, I need to get a biscuit."  He tried to run off, but Captain Zarbon caught his arm.  

"Wait, Dodo—I mean, Porto, have you notified Lord Frieza—I mean Dark Horn--of this development?"

"Sure thing, sir, now may I go get my biscuit?  I need some bread to balance out this meat."

"Fine, Dodo—I mean, Porto, you may go."                        

Someone called out, "Rise in Lord Frieza's—I mean Dark Horns's presence!"

Everyone in the room levitated into the air until their heads touched the ceiling.  Dodoria—I mean, Porto Rico, got his spikes stuck in the low-budget ceiling, and two lower minions were now trying to pry them out.

At that moment, Lord Frieza—I mean Dark Horns—entered the room, strutting his stuff gracefully in his first form and new helmet and cape.  Dark Horns was doing an amazing job of imitating his idol, Darth Vader, and he almost succeeded until he bumped into the camera filming this low-budget fanfiction (low-budget, as it took no real money to make this) and tripped over the camera cord.  He flew into the wall, got his horns stuck in wall, and his helmet was now turned the wrong way.

Dark Horns flailed his skinny arms and screamed.  "Help me, I can't breathe!"

Captain Zarbon and Porto Rico (who finally had been freed from the ceiling) rushed to their master's aid and with great effort, yanked him out of the wall, and with no effort, all three villains flew backwards into another one of the cheap video cameras, knocking them over.  By the time, the three men managed to straighten themselves out, Captain Zarbon's favorite circlet was twisted, with his mirror broken, Porto Rico had nearly choked on a chicken bone, and poor Dark Horns still couldn't get his helmet turned back the right way.  If Captain Zarbon had not rearranged his helmet in time, Dark Horns would have suffocated, and this story would have probably ended in the first chapter.

Dark Horns grumbled, "I'm starting to hate this helmet!  At first I thought that it would make me look handsome and like my idol Darth Vader, but now it's giving me more grief than my own father!"  He turned to Captain Zarbon and asked, "Anything new, Captain?"

"Yes, sire.  Porto Rico has informed me that we are at Planet Droolia now, sire."

"Goody!" Dark Horns exclaimed like a little boy.  He then rubbed his fingers in imitation of another favorite idol of his—Montgomery Burns of the "Simpsons" cartoon, and he purred, "Excellent."

Captain Zarbon sighed.  He honestly hoped that Dark Horns's new hobby of emulating his favorite TV and movie villains was just a phase.  "Shall I contact your father, sire?"

"Don't need to, Zarb—I mean, Captain Zarbon," Porto Rico interjected.  "I've already called him and told him everything."

Dark Horns scowled beneath his helmet, and he said coolly, "You went over my helmet and horns, Dodo—I mean Porto Rico?"

The cool, silky tone in his voice sent an unpleasant shiver down Porto Rico's spine.  He began to back slowly away from his liege fearfully, and he himself almost tripped over a cable cord.  "No-no sire, more on the side.  I-I just thought that it would be quicker—"

"I don't pay you to think, Porto; I pay you to follow orders and respect my authority—what little authority that my father allows me."  He then grinned under his black helmet, and he lifted his ring finger towards Porto Rico.

Porto Rico's huge eyes bulged in horror.  "Sire, please, no not that, anything but that—"

A green laser emerged from Dark Horns' ring and hit Porto Rico sharply in his groin.  Porto Rico screamed in agony and pain, and thankfully he passed out from the shock.  Dark Horns's guards quickly dragged the tubby minion away (it took five of them to do so).

"Not much of a loss," Dark Horns said silkily.  "It wasn't like he could get it up anyway."

"How would you know that, sire?" Zarbon asked.

Dark Horns was strangely silent for a few moments.  Finally, he said abruptly, "Never mind, Captain.  Now tell me where Droolia is, for I don't see it anywhere on the radar screen."

"We can't get it yet, sire, but I can, if you will allow me to press those special buttons that you mentioned before.  Shall I do so now, sire?"

"No, no, I'll do it myself, thank you, Captain."  Dark Horns walked until he stopped in front of a strange machine making whirring and grinding noises.  "What the hell is this, Captain?"

"A cappuccino machine, sire.  We call it 'Mr. And Mrs. Cappuccino."

"Why not one name or the other?"

"Because, sire, by using unisex names, we keep from getting sued for sexism, or at least Sawnya does."

"The only that our fearless fanfiction writer has worth suing for is a computer and a three-hundred plus Beanie Baby collection; I don't see what she has to worry about."

"Would you like a cappuccino, sire?"

"Yes, you pretty-boy pansy!  You know that I always have a cappuccino when I go spying on planets that I plan to raid or clear!"  Dark Horns looked around the room through his thick helmet.  "Does everyone else here know that?"

All of the men in the room quickly covered their crotches.  "Yes, sire!"

"Good.  Captain, make me a French Vanilla one."

"Yes, sire."

Within a minute, Dark Horns was lounging back in an EZ-Boy recliner and watching the radar screen, as he slowly sipped his French Vanilla cappuccino.

"Switch to teleview, Captain."

"Yes, sire."

Within moments, a small blue-and-green planet of planet Droolia showed up on the screen.  Ten satellites were floating about the small planet, with one of the dangling a clear, flying banner reading, "Buy Capsule Corp Products And Eat At Capsule Café!"  The banner was a special one, with the letters glowing in bright pink neon lights attached to the banner.

Captain Zarbon sighed, "That is the most embarrassing display of commercialism I have ever seen!"  And with that, Zarbon fluffed out his cape, which read, "Kiss me, ladies, for I am the most handsome man in this ship, as well as the best one in bed!"  The letters on the cape could glow in the dark.

Dark Horns ignored him.  He said to no one in particular, "Planet Droolia, where Dragonspaceballs were born—wait a minute, was I quoting that brat of Goku's on DBZ just now?"

"Just about, sire," Captain Zarbon replied.

"If I do that again, Captain, you have my permission to slap me."

"With pleasure, sire, although that's going to be kind of hard to do with that helmet on."

Dark Horns continued, "We must break through that air and alien protection shield that King Briefs had encased Droolia in ten years ago.  Can it be done, Captain?"

"Yes, sire.  I've already planned it out: when we kidnap Princess Bulma from Droolia, we will hold her for ransom, which of course will be the Dragonspaceballs.  And then once you and your father become immortal, sire, we can easily clear Droolia, own the Dragonspaceballs forever and rule the universe, just like you both planned."

"Very good, Captain," Dark Horns said happily.  He called to his subordinates, "Is that clear, everyone?  So when will Princess Bulma be married?"

"Within two hours, we are hoping, sire."

"Good; she better hope her wedding and reception are long, for she's going to have a short honeymoon!  Hahahahahaha!" Dark Horns laughed.  Then once again, he imitated Montgomery Burns and cooed, "Excellent."

Captain Zarbon whispered an aside to a passing minion, "Kiwi, please hide the 'Simpsons' videos and the 'Star Wars' videos from Dark Horns, please!  We must break him of this habit before we hang ourselves to get away from him."

Kiwi agreed immediately.  He himself wanted Dark Horns' habit of imitating his favorite evil idols to stop.

Planet Droolia, in the 1st Droolian Church of Droolia chapel… 

Everyone entering the chapel read the sign that was right in front of the door, "Today:  The Royal Wedding of Princess Bulma to Prince Eatum.  Tomorrow:  Church Bake Sale."

"All right!" one guest crowed.  "It's about time this church had another bake sale!  I sure love Chichi Matrix's home-style chicken and cornbread."

"Me too!" another guest cheered, and all the guests with them began to talk excitedly about the bake sale.

A little further away from the chapel, right outside of the doorway, was Princess Bulma, with her aqua hair twisted elegantly into a French twist.  Her long white gown was low cut, showing her nice cleavage, and it had puffed sleeves.  The skirt was covered with old-fashioned Chantilly lace and cut in a Spanish flare with the skirt softly clinging to her well-shaped legs.  Rose crystal shoes with a diamond on each toe accented her dress.

She was the most beautiful bride that the Droolians had ever seen, but there was one thing missing: a smile of happiness that she was about to marry her intended.  She was pouting and miserable, and she complained to her father, "Daddy, where's my robot of honor?"

"She had to go for a pit stop, sweetheart.  Something about taking a leak, or having one, I don't know which.  Anyway, you look beautiful, my child!  If only your mother was alive to see this day…"

"Daddy, Mom is alive, remember?  She's on her way back from a beauty spa."

"Oh, yes, that's right; I must have confused her with Chichi Matrix's mother."  King Briefs was a brilliant scientist as well as ruler, but he was also Droolia's version of the absentminded professor.

"Daddy," Bulma sighed.  "Chichi Matrix is a droid.  Droids don't have mothers."

"Oh, right, of course."

Chichi Matrix rushed on gold wheels.  She was a gold, robotic metallic version of Chichi on DBZ.  She panted excitedly, "Sorry, I'm late!  Are you ready, Princess?"

"Not really," Bulma groaned.  "But I don't have a choice, so let's go."  She reluctantly gave her arm to her father to take, and all three entered the chapel, with King Briefs happily escorting his daughter down the aisle.  Chichi Matrix was holding the train of Bulma's gown.

King Briefs nearly tripped over a camera cord, nearly dragging his daughter down with him.  "Curse these camera cords!" he roared.  "Does Sawnya really need to have so many cameras about?"

An organ played, "Here Comes The Bride!" as King Briefs and Bulma walked down the aisle.  Bulma sighed unhappily as she saw her groom, Prince Goku—I mean, Eatum.  Prince Eatum was gobbling down chicken pieces from a KFC barrel from KFC's "All You Can Eat For A Thousand Dollars" special.  The wagon holding the giant bucket was right in front of Prince Eatum, as he gobbled down as much chicken as he could hold.  All Prince Eatum cared about was a good meal, and the only real reason he agreed to marry Bulma was because King Briefs had promised him a lifetime's worth of free fast food from any fast food restaurant stationed on Droolia.

Princess Bulma whispered to her father, "Daddy, must I go through with this?  I don't love him."

King Briefs sighed, "I know that, sweetheart, and I'm sorry, but you must.  He's the only Prince left in this part of this galaxy."

"Well, can't we move somewhere else?  I don't want to marry him.  And why couldn't they at least put Yamucha in Goku's role, or better yet, Vegeta?"

"Sawnya wouldn't allow it, sweetheart, and besides Vegeta is playing Lone Prince in this story, remember?"

"Of course, I should have known," Bulma sighed.

Eatum was still gobbling down chicken, along with the generous supply of biscuits, as Bulma and her father and Chichi Matrix finally reached the altar.  He mumbled a hello to his bride and continued to eat.

The longhaired, long-bearded minister, played by Master Roshi (who kept staring at Bulma's generous cleavage until King Briefs made a cutting motion across his neck with a finger to warn Roshi to stop), began in a cheery tone, "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness this wondrous occasion of our dear Princess Bulma marrying Prince Goku—I mean Prince Eatum…"  His voice suddenly trailed off when Bulma abruptly left her father and began to run away from Eatum and the minister, with poor Chichi Matrix still holding onto her train and rolling away from the altar with her.

"And Princess Bulma is heading right towards the exit…and opening the door, which we forgot to alarm…and what—SHE'S LEAVING?"

King Briefs cried out in distress, "Stop her!  Stop her!"

Eatum didn't seem to be that concerned.  He burped loudly and asked, "Well, since we're not getting married right now, can I have desert?"

Minister Roshi smacked Eatum upside his head, and King Briefs did the same.

In Princess Bulma's white Mercedes Benz, with four doors a white leather interior, cruise control, power brakes and windows, etc…

Chichi Matrix cried out in protest, as she climbed into the front seat of the car next to Bulma.  "Um…didn't you forget to get married?"

"No, Chichi, I didn't," Bulma snapped impatiently, as she started the engine.

Behind the Mercedes, the wedding guests, including King Briefs, Minister Roshi, and Prince Eatum were chasing after Bulma's brand new car, as the car whirred and launched itself off the ground.  Within nanoseconds, it was flying towards the sky.

"Come back!" King Briefs cried.

Eatum, with his mouth full of strawberry cheesecake, mumbled, "Yes, (burp!) come back!"

In the luxury car, Bulma said happily, "Well, I'm glad that's over with!"

Chichi Matrix sighed, "Okay, Bulma, I know that Eatum is a pig with the worst table manners this side of the Milky Way, but couldn't you married him to make your dad happy and confine Eatum to McDonald's for the next thirty or more years?"

Bulma was singing to a song on the radio loudly, ignoring Chichi Matrix.

"Do you realize what you've done?"

"Of course I do!  I am brilliant, and the daughter of the most brilliant (most of the time) man in the galaxy.  And I'm glad that I dumped Eatum, glad, glad, glad!  I didn't want to spend the rest of my life with food crumbs in our marriage bed, okay?  Maybe I want a man who looks more at my breasts and thighs than the breasts and thighs of KFC, alright?"

Chichi sighed.  


	2. Chapter Two: Just What We Needed!

Chapter Two: Just What We Needed!  
  
On a Winnebago shaped like a Capsule Corp. ball…  
  
Vegeta-I mean Lone Prince, was training in his custom-designed gravity room in his ball-shaped Capsulebago. He did his usual intense training, putting his buff, muscular body through all sorts of training exercises and positions that would kill an ordinary person. While he was training, Nappa-I mean Hurl, was eating out of a KFC bucket from KFC's "All You Can Eat For A Thousand Dollars" special (how did we ever guess?). While Hurl was gobbling down chicken, he was also openly leering and drooling over a porn magazine.   
  
When Hurl had finally finished eating twenty minutes later, he went to Lone Prince's gravity room with the dirty magazine, just as Lone Prince was coming out in hopes of getting some chicken from KFC before his gluttony companion ate it all. Hurl chuckled wickedly and opened the page to the magazine's centerfold. "Hey, Prince, check out this babe in Playsaiyan; isn't she luscious? I bet that her legs and thighs would taste better than those of KFC!"  
  
Lone Prince allowed himself a quick glance at the Playsaiyan centerfold and grinned. The centerfold was a nude, curvy, voluptuous female Saiyan with long, shiny black hair and a long, beautiful tail. He chuckled wickedly, "I agree, Nappa-I mean Hurl, she'd definitely be worth a nibble or two. We need to find a 'comfort planet' around here. It's been a while since we've been with women. Lately, I've been having a hard time getting a woman, I don't understand why, for I am the strongest warrior around, as well as the handsomest."  
  
Hurl flushed uncomfortably. He stammered, "Well, Lone Prince, it says in this 'Gullible Poll' that was published in this mag, women are partial these days to taller men. And-"  
  
"Oh, shut up, Nappa-I mean Hurl! It infuriates me that women cannot look past my height! On top of that, no one believes that I am a Prince! They think that it's just some sexy nickname that I invented to make myself more attractive!"  
  
Hurl laughed. "Isn't that the truth?"  
  
"So what if it is? All right, so I don't have any proof yet that I'm a Prince, but my superior strength and fighting capability and handsome looks could only belong to a Prince. I believe that when I find out what this lapel pin I'm wearing means-" Lone Prince pointed to his leather jacket, which held a round gold medallion pin that had a message written in a language that he could not read. "-it will tell me that I am a Prince!"  
  
Hurl rolled his eyes. "Time to stop living in a dream world, Lone Prince!"  
  
Lone Prince growled, his brows knitting above his familiar Vegeta scowl, "What the hell did you say?"  
  
Hurl laughed nervously. "I said that it's time to go to Ice Cream World, and being without it makes me wince!!"  
  
Fortunately, for Hurl, Lone Prince's sudden craving for ice cream overrode his ability to decimate Hurl for insulting him. He smiled, saying smoothly, "Good idea, Hurl. Go order us some, so that it will be ready when we get there. Ice Cream World is not too far from here. I want ten gallons of double chocolate fudge-what the hell is that?"  
  
The new ship phone rang loudly, as Lone Prince and Hurl leisurely walked to the phone, which was next to the driver's seat. "Put it on audio, so that they don't see us," Lone Prince ordered Hurl.  
  
"Yes, Prince." Hurl hit a button to switch the phone to audio. The video screen just above the dashboard flicked on, and Lone Prince's normally arrogant composure collapsed when he saw the caller, a big giant pink monster with a blubbery waist and butt. He looked like he could be a cousin of Dodoria-I mean Porto Rico's.  
  
They also saw a young android male with sleek, short black hair and turquoise eyes. He wore a black shirt and an orange scarf, and he spoke before the big pink monster did. He said smoothly, "Hello, Lone Prince."  
  
Lone Prince growled, and Hurl said apologetically, "Sorry, Prince, wrong line. Should I cut him off?"  
  
"Not yet, Hurl. We'll hear what the little punk robot boy has to say first." Lone Prince said edgily, "What the hell do you want?"  
  
The young man, whose name was Sevinnie, was played by Android Seventeen, also known as Juuana-gou, said silkily, "It's not who I want, Lone Prince, it's what HE wants."  
  
"Let me guess," Hurl cracked. "They ran out of KFC's chicken for the "All You Can Eat For A Thousand Dollars" special before he could get there, and he wants some of ours!"  
  
"Well, he can't have any," Lone Prince said petulantly. "I haven't eaten yet."  
  
"It not 'bout food!" a squeaky, sulky little boy's voice piped up behind Sevinnie. Lone Prince gnashed his perfect teeth when he heard the voice of one of the universe's most notorious gangsters, Buu The Butt.  
  
Buu The Butt continued in his squeaky, annoying voice, "So it's Lone Prince and buddy Vomit!"  
  
"That's Nappa-I mean Hurl, you walking piece of talking used bubble gum!" Hurl roared, shaking his giant fist at the image of the deadly Buu The Butt.  
  
"No make fun of Buu! Now Buu mad!" Buu pouted.  
  
"Oh, go eat yourself, you pink Michelin man!" Lone Prince snapped. "I'm getting ready to eat dinner, and you're making me lose my appetite!"  
  
Buu ignored the last insult for now. "Where Buu's money? Buu want money now!"  
  
"Buu want a fat lip to go with his fat butt now," Hurl joked.  
  
Buu stomped his feet angrily, as steam came bursting out of his pores. "Now Buu really mad! Buu want money now!"  
  
"Fine, you lump of cotton candy, you'll get your money next week!" Lone Prince hissed.  
  
"No insult Buu! Buu want money tomorrow, not next week!"  
  
"I can't come up with two-hundred thousand spacezeni by next week, you poor imitation of Skintimate shaving cream! You'll just have to wait!" Lone Prince retorted.  
  
"You make Buu mad! You make Buu mad, Buu increase money! Increase money to one million spacezeni!"  
  
"You're insane! You want that much by tomorrow?" Lone Prince asked incredulously, finally realizing that Buu The Butt was serious.  
  
"Want million spacezeni tomorrow! No excuses!"  
  
"I don't even have a million space cents on me, let alone a million spacezeni! Where in the hell do you expect me to get that sort of money?"  
  
"Not Buu's problem! Lone Prince's problem! Want money tomorrow! Or tell you what Buu do! Buu will take Dragonspaceballs in place of million spacezeni! Get Buu Dragonspaceballs so Buu can wish for lifetime supply of KFC, Dairy King and Burger Queen, and Buu forget million spacezeni! Buu think that fair! Lone Prince think that fair?"  
  
"How am I supposed to get the Dragonspaceballs that fast?"  
  
"Again not Buu's problem! Lone Prince's problem! Buu either wants Dragonspaceballs or million spacezeni by tomorrow, or…" Buu tried to think for a moment, as he tried to come up with a good threat. Buu turned to Sevinnie and nudged him. "Give good threat for Buu, threat that scare Lone Prince!"  
  
Sevinnie thought for a moment before he said with a smile, "Or Buu will have and your puking companion for desert-literally!" He and Buu laughed loudly.  
  
Hurl and Lone Prince gasped in horror, for like Buu on DBZ, Buu The Butt was capable of turning people into food and eating them. They cried out in further horror when Buu turned a passing butler on the screen into a giant Baked Alaska, and he and Sevinnie laughed wickedly, as they ate the butler desert.  
  
Hurl swiftly hung up the phone. Lone Prince growled, "Great, just what we need! How are we supposed to satisfy Buu's demands by tomorrow, Hurl?" Then a slow smile spread over his face. "Hurl, we are still Saiyans in this story, right?"  
  
"Sawnya hasn't said otherwise, Prince."  
  
Lone Prince grinned then. "You know that the Dragonspaceballs can grant three wishes right?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Simple, Hurl. We'll go to Droolia, take the Dragonspaceballs by force, and make our three wishes. The first wish will be for Buu's precious million spacezeni, which we'll give to that walking wad of Bubblelicious gum, and the second wish will be for us to become immortal, so that no one can ever threaten us again! And the final wish will be for myself personally, to become as tall as you, so that women will flock to me to bask in my princely glory! And we'll keep the Dragonspaceballs for ourselves!"  
  
Hurl's grin matched Lone Prince's then. "Great ideas, Prince!"  
  
Lone Prince was in a good mood now. "Set the course for planet Droolia, Hurl! I just now figured out how we're going to get Droolia to give up the Dragonspaceballs to us! We'll kidnap Princess Bulma of Droolia and use her as ransom in exchange for them!"  
  
"Again, not a bad idea, Prince! Setting course for Droolia now!"  
  
And with that, Lone Prince and Hurl's round Winnebago flew off into space towards planet Droolia.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Planet Screwball, in President Screw's office…  
  
King Cold-I mean, President Screw, was ogling a centerfold in the monthly issue of Playchangeling with a curvy, luscious female who resembled someone of his race. His string of drool swung back and forth over the magazine when his phone rang.  
  
"Hello?" President Screw asked politely, as he answered the phone. "No, the rumors that I plan to wish for immortality on Droolia's Dragonspaceballs are not true. No, my son and I don't plan to wish ourselves eternal life, so that we can live forever. Yes, I know that planet Screwball now wants a democracy in place of a monarchy, and my son and I will do whatever we can to ensure that happens. Yes, we do want to make the Screwballs happy. Rest assured. Thank you and thank you also for not calling collect. Goodbye!" President Screw hung up the phone.  
  
"Cursed Screwballs!" he shouted. "I want to live forever and rule forever! The democracy is not about to happen! That means that they'll vote my son and me out of the government, which I'm not about to let happen! Anyway, I can't wait to get those Dragonspaceballs! I'm going to wish for immortality first, and then I'll wish for all of the porn magazine companies in the universe to belong to me, and then I'll wish for all the women in those magazines to become my harem! This is going to be great!"  
  
He began to ogle the centerfold in Playchangeling again when a sharp female voice cut into his thoughts. "President Screw!"  
  
A startled President Screw abruptly threw the dirty magazine behind his back, as the video screen came on. A pretty blonde with blue eyes and perfect skin and body looked at her president in deep scrutiny. President Screw stammered, "Commanderette Eighteen! Hello! I was just…concentrating, yes, that's it!"   
  
"Sure you were," Commanderette Eighteen said sarcastically, rolling her aqua eyes. "Concentrating on Miss January again, President?"  
  
President Screw stammered, "No, no! It wasn't Miss January I was concentrating on, it was Miss June!"  
  
"Whatever," Commanderette Eighteen sighed. She hoped those rumors of President Screw wanting to wish for immortality weren't true. He was already living too long for her taste.   
"Anyway, your son, Dark Horns, has informed us that Princess Bulma's luxury Mercedes is in sight, and Screwball 1000 is closing in on her."  
  
"Goody!" President Screw exclaimed happily, as he swung around in his giant office chair like a little boy. He cried out when he bumped his head into the camera filming him and got one of his horns stuck in the camera lens, breaking the lens. The frustrated grips and cameramen struggled to free him while Commanderette Eighteen looked on, shaking her golden head in disbelief.  
  
"Shall I have Baldy beam you to the control room, sire?"  
  
President Screw, who was finally free of the camera, stammered, "I've heard that my counterpart, President Skroob on the original 'Spaceballs' movie had problems with the beaming thing. Are you sure that Baldy can do it safely?"  
  
Commanderette Eighteen smiled lasciviously. "Oh, he can, sire, and much more than safely! He sure knows how to beam a woman--I mean anyone! He beamed me like no man had ever beamed me before! It was the best beaming I've ever had! The things that he did-"  
  
"Never mind! Just have Baldy beam me down there please!"  
  
On the video screen, Commanderette Eighteen called out to Baldy, played by Krillin, who was her current lover, "Baldy, beam him down!"  
  
"Yes, my love, er, I mean, my commander!"  
  
President Screw stepped into the beamer next to his office desk, and within seconds, Baldy was able to beam President Screw down to the control room. But something was seriously wrong when the president arrived.  
  
President Screw screamed in horror when he saw himself in the reflection of the control room's steel wall. His head was dangling from his waist where his legs and pelvis should have been, and his head and pelvis were standing up in the air in place of his neck and head on his shoulders.  
  
Baldy laughed nervously. "Sorry about that, sire!"  
  
"Th-that's all right, just beam me back, hurry! If any of my two-thousand women see me like this, I'll never get laid again!"  
  
President Screw cried out when he realized that he had forgotten to zip his pants before coming to the control room. His erection poked out from his pants and underwear. "Why didn't anyone tell me my peter was this small?"  
  
Everyone in the control room dared to snicker and laugh. "I believe many women did, sir," Baldy dared to say. "But you wouldn't believe them."  
  
President Screw growled, "Oh, never mind! Just beam me back to normal!"  
  
"Yes, sir! Beaming you back now!"  
  
President Screw was thankful to be beamed back into his own office and in normal condition, and Commanderette Eighteen grinned at him. "Did you have a nice head trip, sire?"  
President Screw snarled, "No thanks to you!"  
  
"Would you like Baldy to try it again, sire?"  
  
"Hell, no! I'll just walk to the office, thank you!" And with that President Screw walked out of his office-and into a cave on a now smelly swamp planet.  
  
He saw his son, Dark Horns, getting ready to fight Captain Zarbon, with a strange, but lovely young cat-like woman with red and green hair.  
  
Dark Horns cried out, "Chestra is my woman!"  
  
"DARK HORNS!" President Screw growled. "Aren't you supposed to be finding Princess Bulma and capturing her?"  
  
"Who in the hell is Princess Bulma, Father? And why in the hell are you wearing a suit? And why are you calling me Dark Horns?"  
  
"Um, King Cold, I believe, that you walked onto the fanfiction set of Chestra, one of Sawnya's other fanfictions," Captain Zarbon stammered. "If you are looking for the fanfiction set of Dragonspaceballs, you'll need to go back inside and use the door next to the one that you just came out of."  
  
President Screw stammered himself. "Th-thank you, Zarbon, I'll do that." And with that, the president left while Frieza was shouting more threats at Zarbon.  
  
President Screw was relieved to find himself once again on Dragonspaceballs, and he was within the control room within a nanosecond. Everyone levitated into the air when someone shouted, "All rise for President Screw!"  
  
Two blond young human girls came rushing to meet him, as they were both dressed in lovely white, sparkling evening gowns just barely appropriate for girls their age. President Screw tickled one of the young girls and said, chuckling, "Hello Mary Kate!"  
  
"I'm Ashley!"  
  
He turned to the other girl and said, smiling, "Hello, Ashley!"  
  
"I'm Mary Kate!"  
  
President Screw was puzzled. "You girls look older than you do in real life. Why's that?"  
  
"When Sawnya hired us for cameos, she changed our ages to make us seven years older than we really are, so that we could legally play the parts of two of your many women without her being sued or charged," Mary Kate replied easily, kissing President Screw's cheek. "Plus, Ash and I are big fans of DBZ and it's villains, which include you, King Cold-I mean President Screw!"  
  
President Screw grinned then. "Commanderette Eighteen! Make a note to send Sawnya flowers later for hiring these delicious young women! Did I ever mention that I love 'Full House' and all of the Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen movies?"  
  
Commanderette Eighteeen sighed, as she wrote down her boss's request. "A hundred times a day, sire."  
  
"Is Princess Bulma within sight yet?"  
  
"Yes, sire. Her ship is nearing Screwball 1000 now, approximately one thousand leagues close to it, sire."  
  
"Good! Tell my son that he must take the princess alive! And tell him that he cannot screw her before we return her! The last time he screwed a princess that we took for ransom, she became pregnant, and we were hit for that whopping billion-spacezeni lawsuit! Now thanks to my son not being able to keep his pants zipped, I have to shell out fifty-thousand spacezeni a month until the brat turns eighteen!"  
  
"Like father, like son," Commanderette Eighteen mumbled under her breath.  
  
"What the hell did you say?"  
  
Baldy took up for his lover. "She said, that you are a good father to your son."  
  
The president grinned. "I am, aren't I? Now see that annoying spawn of mine captures the princess! And tell him I'll cut off his allowance if he screws up!"  
  
"Yes, sire!"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
On Dark Horns' mother ship, otherwise known as Screwball 1000…  
  
Dark Horns could see Princess Bulma's ship right in front of his ship. He grinned evilly, even though his father had forbidden him to seduce the princess before returning her. He pulled down his mask, so that he could sound more like Darth Vader through it. He said in a deep baritone voice, "Fire across her butt first!"  
  
"Sire," Porto Rico began. (He was wearing a giant band-aid across what private parts he had left.) "How are we going to reach her butt?"  
  
"The ship's butt, you fool! Literally, fire across the trunk as a warning shot! Fire, aim, ready!"  
  
The men and women gunners began aiming at the white Mercedes that was carrying Princess Bulma, and the luxury car ship began to shake and turn side to side.   
  
Dark Horns was still not pleased. "I said aim at her butt, not up it!"  
  
"But sire, you told us to fire, aim, ready!" Kiwi protested.  
  
"Um…sire," Captain Zarbon spoke up. "Shouldn't that be 'Ready, aim, fire'?"  
  
Dark Horns said, embarrassed, "Um…right. Ready, aim…whatever else he said!"  
  
The gunners were still aiming pitifully at Princess Bulma's ship despite Dark Horn's new orders. Dark Horns growled, "What the hell are you fools doing?"  
  
A humanoid female gunner looked over at his liege with blank, unseeing eyes. "Sorry, sire, we're doing our best!"  
  
Dark Horns then realized that the woman was blind. "Who made you a gunner?"  
  
An older, blind, short humanoid male with gray hair spoke up cheerfully, "I did, sire! She's my sister."  
  
Dark Horns hissed to Captain Zarbon, "Who is he?"  
  
"He's a Blind-Fool, sire," Captain Zarbon said calmly.  
  
"I know that! And his sister?"  
  
"She's a Blind-Fool too, sire," the older gunner declared proudly. "Her name is Ima, sire. Full name, Ima Blind-Fool, Sergeant."  
  
"And your name?" Dark Horns snarled.  
  
"My name is Hesa, sire. As in Hesa Blind-Fool, Major."  
  
Turning towards her liege's voice, another humanoid woman, middle-aged and also blind, said happily, "And I'm their sister, sire, Lieutenant Shesa Blind-Fool."  
  
A frustrated Dark Horns asked, "How many blind fools are there in this control room?"  
  
"I am!" Almost everyone except Captain Zarbon, Porto Rico, and Kiwi moved their heads in the direction of Dark Horns. All of the answerers had the same blank, unseeing eyes of various colors.  
  
Lieutenant Shesa added proudly, "And my siblings and I are ones of charge of all of them!"  
  
Captain Zarbon whispered aside to Dark Horns, "Talk about the blind leading the blind."  
  
Dark Horns growled, deep and low. "Tell me about it. I always thought that I was surrounded by blind fools, and this confirms my theory-or my worst fears!" He sighed, realizing that he was going to have to with what he had. "All right, you blind fools, keep firing!"  
  
All of the Blind-Fools kept firing randomly at Princess Bulma's ship, finally creating some damage now and then, denting and scorching the expensive exterior.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Princess Bulma's ship…  
  
Chichi Matrix clung to Bulma and cried, "I'm scared!"  
  
Bulma said indignantly, fluffing her expensive Vera Winger-Wang gown, "That's it! We don't have to take this anymore! I don't have to take this anymore! I'm a princess! I'm calling my daddy!"  
  
She pulled out her car "princess" phone and dialed 1-800-DROOLIA. An automated sunny voice came on the line, saying, "You have reached 1-800-DROOLIA; if you have a touch-tone phone, please press one now. If you don't have a touch-tone phone, tough-titty, baby!"  
  
"I hate automated services!" Bulma wailed, as she pressed one.  
  
"Press one if you wish to buy Capsule Corp. products. Press two, if you wish to make reservations at Capsule Corp. Café. Press three, if you wish to borrow the Dragonspaceballs for your wishes. Press four, if you wish to sue Droolia for wishes gone wrong. Press five, if you know of an assassination attempt on King Briefs, Queen Briefs, or Princess Bulma Briefs. Press six, if you actually plan to make an assassination attempt on the three parties involved. Press seven, for any inquires, and for you to press seven, honey, somebody better be trying to blow up the planet or trying to use the Dragonspaceballs to wish his or herself to be of the opposite sex!"  
  
Bulma, gnashing her teeth, pressed five reluctantly.  
  
"You have pressed five for assassination attempts on the royal family. Press one if the hired killers involved are using nuclear bombs. Press two if the hired killers are planning to kill any royal family members with repetitious Barney, Pokemon, or Sifl and Olly music, so that the victims will try to commit suicide to escape. And press three, if…"  
  
"That's it!" Bulma snarled. "If I live through this, Chichi, I am having automated services banned!" 


	3. Chapter Three: Out of Luck, Out of Optio...

A/N: Thank you, thank you for all the nice reviews! Anyway, Foghorn Leghorn finally appears, and he becomes very important to Lone Prince and Hurl in this chapter. Why? Just watch and see!  
  
Balair (Sawnya's fanfic character, who resembles a red T-Rex who can vaporize and liquefy himself): Why in the hell am I not in this story?  
  
Sawnya: Because this mainly stars actual DBZ characters this time, Balair. You have to go now; you're not supposed to be here."  
  
Balair: I'll vaporize myself! I'll blow you up, if you don't put me in this story! (He then turns himself into a red cloud of gas and tries to enter Sawnya's lungs, but Sawnya turns on her vacuum cleaner, flips it up and sucks the Balair cloud into it.)  
  
Balair: NO! Why? Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy? (He disappears into the vacuum cleaner bag.)  
  
Sawnya (smiling sweetly, as she turns off the vacuum cleaner): Sorry, Balair, you're not invading this story. And oh, by the way, you'll might not want to read the last chapter of "Tayla of Astoria" that I just put up. That's chapter eighty-three, and I don't think that you will like that one."  
  
Balair (stuck in the vacuum cleaner bag in his gas form): What do you mean? Do I die?"  
  
Sawnya (still smiling): Oh, I can't say for sure, Balair, but I guarantee that you'll find that chapter electrifying, shall we say? Anwyay it's time to stop wasting our reader's time and let them read the story!  
  
Sawnya turns to the readers and waves, as Balair tries to solidify himself to escape the vacuum cleaner...  
  
  
  
  
Chapter Three: Out Of Luck, Out Of Options  
  
Lone Prince was in the driver's seat of the Capsulebago, as it flew smoothly throughout the dark, starry realms of the universe. He gritted his teeth, as he listened to Hurl singing in the shower so loudly that Lone Prince couldn't watch his favorite program, "UFF (Universal Wrestling Federation) RAW" on the television set imbedded into the control panel of the ship. He loved this program because it was the only wrestling program that actually allowed their opponents to kill each other.   
  
"That's it! Send him to the next dimension! Die, die, die, you weaklings!" Lone Prince cheered, just as Hurl began to sing louder than ever.   
  
"That's it! I'm going to turn him into Saiyan ashes this time! Nappa-I mean Hurl, stop that singing!" Lone Prince stormed down to the restroom, where he could hear Hurl's loud singing booming throughout the ship. He banged on the door.  
  
Hurl sang loudly, proudly, "I DON'T WANT ANYBODY ELSE! WHEN I THINK ABOUT YOU, I TOUCH MYSELF! OH, OH, I DON'T WANT ANYBODY ELSE, OH NO, OH NO…"  
  
Oh no is right, Lone Prince thought angrily to himself. Whenever Hurl sings, he makes Buu The Butt sound like he has the voice of an angel!  
  
Hurl came bursting out of the bathroom, dressed in an expensive white terry cloth robe that he and Lone Prince had once swiped from the fancy Warthog-Asteroid hotel. He was holding up the centerfold from Playsaiyan magazine and singing to it, as if the picture was a real woman. Joyously, he seized Lone Prince and continued singing, "When I think about you, I touch myself!"  
  
"Touch this!" Lone Prince roared, as he slammed his fist into Hurl's stomach. Hurl choked and nearly spat out blood.  
  
"S-Sorry, Prince!" Hurl stammered. "I got a little carried away!"  
  
"A little! How do I know that you weren't thinking of touching me?"  
  
Before Lone Prince could rave and rant any further, the car phone rang, and Hurl, wanting an excuse to escape his partner's wrath, ran away to answer it.  
  
"Hello?" he asked quickly when he had picked up the phone.  
  
"Hello. Is Lone Prince there?" a regal, masculine voice asked.  
  
"Lone Prince, it's for you!" Hurl called, as Lone Prince strutted over to him to take the phone.  
  
"Turn on the teleview," Lone Prince ordered Hurl, and Hurl did.  
  
The recognizable face of King Briefs appeared on the screen. "Lone Prince, I need your help!"  
  
Lone Prince smirked. "Really?"  
  
"Yes! I've heard that you happen to be one of the greatest warriors in the universe, as well as one of the shortest! My, my, Lone Prince, haha, you seem to be even shorter in real life!"  
  
"Stop mocking my height, old man! Tell me what you want and get on with it!"  
  
"Umm…well, yes! My daughter's in danger! She's being attacked by Screwballs!"  
  
"What do you expect me to do about it?" Lone Prince demanded to know.  
  
Hurl nudged Lone Prince in his ribs. For once, Hurl was the one who thought faster than his normally smarter partner. "Prince," he whispered urgently, "if you save her, you can take her for your hostage in exchange for the Dragonspaceballs."  
  
Lone Prince grinned then. He then whispered back to Hurl, "Or we can just demand the Dragonspaceballs in exchange for saving the royal woman."  
  
"Even better idea, Prince."  
  
"I'll give you anything!" King Briefs wailed. "Anything! My daughter just contacted me! I'll give anything for my daughter to be saved!"  
  
"Anything?" Lone Prince asked, with a smirk.  
  
"Anything!"  
  
Lone Prince said smoothly, "I want to use the Dragonspaceballs in exchange for saving your daughter."  
  
"The Dragonspaceballs…but…but…"  
  
"We're losing you, Your Highness!" Hurl declared. "The static is getting bad. Can't hear you anymore!" He winked at Lone Prince, who winked back.  
  
King Briefs cried anxiously, "All right, Dragonspaceballs then! You can use the Dragonspaceballs! Just save my daughter!"  
  
"Deal made," Lone Prince said with his familiar smirk. "One princess for seven Dragonspaceballs! Not too bad of a trade!"  
  
"What is she driving?" Hurl asked.  
  
"An ivory and white Mercedes Benz 3001 Extremely Limited Edition, with cream leather interior, star roof, spoke hubcaps, space cruise control, with a license plate reading, "SPOILED BRAT". I paid sixty thousand spacezeni for it, all in cash; normally it would have cost me one hundred thousand spacezeni, but I got a great deal on it, thanks to my cousin, Prince Boxers and his wife, Princess Thong. They own the best car dealership in this part of the galaxy, and if you mention their spaceboard ad, they'll give you a great discount…"  
  
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, who cares?" Lone Prince spat out. "Just tell us where she was last seen!"  
  
"She just passed by planet Venus…Williams," King Briefs replied quickly.  
  
"Good," Lone Prince told him. "We will find your daughter, I can assure you."  
  
"Thank you!" King Briefs exclaimed breathlessly. "And if it's possible, do you think that you could save the car?"  
  
Lone Prince wisely hung up the phone before he lost his temper. When he had calmed down, he turned to Hurl and shouted happily, "We're going to get our wishes granted, Hurl!"  
  
"We'll be able to pay off Buu-Hoo and get somethin' for ourselves, Prince!" Hurl exclaimed joyously.  
  
"Give me tail, Nappa-I mean, Hurl!" Lone Prince ordered triumphantly, and Hurl's tail grabbed Lone Prince's tail, and they literally shook tails vigorously.  
  
"Hoo, hoo, hoo! Woo, woo, woo!" Hurl hooted.  
  
"Finally! I haven't felt this great since McDonald's started allowing people to Galactic Size their meals!" Lone Prince declared happily.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Princess Bulma's last bit of luck had run out. Before she could set up her magnetic resister to resist the magnetic beam that Screwball 1000 aimed at her ship, it malfunctioned, and Bulma's car was caught up in the beam.  
  
"Great!" Bulma wailed. "Even in the space age, nothing works! I'm suing Sawnya when this is over!"  
  
Chichi Matrix sighed, "Sawnya has nothing to sue for except for…"  
  
"I know! Her computer and her Beanie Baby collection!" Bulma grumbled. "I feel like we're moving backwards!"  
  
Chichi Matrix looked out of the passenger-side window. "Honey, I've got bad news for you: we are moving backwards!"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Lone Prince and Hurl reached Princess Bulma's Mercedes-Benz much sooner than they expected. They were horrified to see that Princess Bulma's car had already been caught up in the laser beam.  
Hurl paled when he saw the car being pulled towards Screwball 1000.   
"Well, Prince, we've tried. Too late; they've got her caught in their magnetic beam; time to go back! I'll throw our ship in reverse, Prince, and we'll be away from here faster than you can say 'Dragonspaceballs'! Hey, want to pick up some 'Subatomicway' subs later, Prince! We just passed one on the way here; I'm starving!" Hurl reached for the reverse lever, but Lone Prince smacked his hand.  
  
"No, we will not leave."  
  
"But, Lone Prince, these are Screwballs we're talking about!"  
  
"Hurl," Lone Prince said evenly. "Sawnya did not say that we are not Saiyans in this story, right?"  
  
"R-Right, Prince."  
  
"And Saiyans do not run from a fight, do they?"  
  
"No-no, Prince."  
  
"And what is one thing that Saiyans value most, Hurl, almost as much as a good fight?"  
  
"H-Honor, Prince."  
  
"Then our honor, which includes our word to King Briefs, tells us that we must stay and rescue the princess, right?"  
  
"Y-Yes, Prince."  
  
"Good. And there is another thing that you and I value very much right now, the main reason that we are doing this."  
  
"What's this, Prince? Glory, fame, the chance of possibility sleeping with a royal princess?"  
  
"No, you fool! Not for glory, not for fame, not for a quick lay! Dragonspaceballs, you idiot!"  
  
"Prince, we're doing it for little golden balls. Is risking our lives to save some runaway princess worth it?"  
  
"You fool! We're not doing this just for some little golden balls; we're doing it for SEVEN little golden balls! Seven golden Dragonspaceballs! Seven golden Dragonspaceballs that will grant our wishes! That will make us IMMORTAL, all-powerful, all mighty! Seven balls that will get us out of debt, and quadruple my chances with the women! To put it bluntly, Nappa-I mean, Hurl, I'm tired of being short! I want to be tall like you! I want women looking up to me, not me looking up to them! I want to be able to stare straight ahead at their chests, not up under them! I don't want to be mistaken for my dates' little brother anymore! I don't want to be offered the "Unhappy Meal" at McDonald's when I take a woman there, or offered the "Little Dipper" kiddie plates at restaurants on dates! I want to be tall and powerful! I want to be as tall as I am strong! Is that too much to ask?" Lone Prince wailed in despair.  
  
Hurl held out his large hands in protest. "Take it easy, Prince. I didn't know it meant that much to you! Okay, we'll save the little royal lady, so we can become immortal, and you can have an edge with the ladies." Hurl comfortingly patted Lone Prince on the head, as if Lone Prince was a little boy. "It's going to be all right now, Lone Prince. Everything's going to be all right."  
  
Lone Prince's despairing look hardened into his usual scowl. "Thank you for coming to your senses, Hurl, now's there just one last thing."  
  
"What's that, Prince?"  
  
"Don't ever pat my head again! What do you think I am? A dog?"  
  
"S-Sorry, Prince!"  
  
"Wha-I say, what is all the commotion in here? What's going on?"  
  
Lone Prince and Hurl sighed when a tall red and white chicken entered the room, shaking his long red tail. They had picked him up from KFC, where he was about to be made into someone's "All You Can Eat For A Thousand Dollars" meal. They had saved his life from the cooks there in exchange for him becoming their personal servant, but so far, all the rooster had done was mooch off of their food, hog the television, and waste all of the hot water in shower. (Hurl had not been happy taking a cold shower earlier, and he had given the rooster a black eye before he had taken the actual shower.)  
  
"What do you want, Foghorn Leghorn?" Lone Prince demanded to know.  
  
"You, I say, you are out of food! The refriger-refrige, oh, never mind, the fridge, is out of food!"  
  
"Well, we still have chicken at least," Hurl said meaningfully, looking directly at Foghorn. The loudmouthed chicken trembled under Hurl's hungry stare.  
  
"Never mind him for now, Hurl," Lone Prince said authoritatively.   
  
"Prince, we'll be spotted on their radar, shortly," Hurl told him.  
  
"We have our cloaking device set up to prevent that, but we do need to send them a message, Hurl, a message that they will never forget. A visual one."  
  
"When do we start firing our lasers at them, Prince?"  
  
"Not that visual message, Hurl. Something a little more…innovative, something that will really tick Dark Horns off."  
  
Hurl chuckled, as he dialed the phone and turned on the teleview. He and Lone Prince had managed to hack into the Mars-Bell phone system and gain Dark Horn's private telephone number. Hurl happily held up his middle finger, so that Dark Horns would see when he answered the phone. Lone Prince saw what Hurl was about to do and promptly hung up the phone before it rang any further.  
  
"You idiot! Do you want to give us away so soon?" Lone Prince snapped.  
  
"S-Sorry, Prince!" Hurl said quickly.  
  
Lone Prince suddenly smirked. "However, your foolishness just gave me a clever idea. Do we still have that catapult that we bought at a discount?"  
  
"Yes, Prince."  
  
Lone Prince beckoned Hurl to bend down and listen to him, and Lone Prince whispered something into Hurl's ear, while casting meaningful glances back at Foghorn Leghorn, who was munching on a melted Milky Way Galaxy Bar that he had found wedged in Hurl's seat. Both Saiyans chuckled wickedly.  
  
"I like this plan, already, Prince."  
  
"Good," Lone Prince told him with a smirk. "Bring me some rope," he whispered. Hurl left to do so, and Lone Prince put his arm around Foghorn Leghorn in a friendly gesture.  
  
"Foghorn, how would you like to become a hero?" Lone Prince asked smoothly. "You'll be remembered forever, for what you have been chosen to do. You'll go down in history for helping us save the princess."  
  
"I-I get to help save a princess! This-this, I mean, this is just so great! Now I'll have something to brag to that stupid mutt when I get back to the farm. I say, that he never helped to save a princess! Sure, little man, I'll be happy to help!"  
  
Lone Prince gnashed his teeth at being called a "little man", but he held his tongue. He needed the bird for this part of the mission to save Princess Bulma, so he had to be nice to the featherbrained fool until he had completed what he had to do.  
  
Finally Hurl came back with the rope, and before Foghorn Leghorn could say a word, Lone Prince seized the rooster under his arms and pinned Foghorn's wings behind his back.  
  
"Now," Lone Prince told Hurl happily, "comes the next part of my plan. Prepare the catapult, Hurl, and make sure that our friend is tied up nice and securely."  
  
"With pleasure, Prince," Hurl said, as he tied the protesting Foghorn Leghorn up.  
  
"Now I say, hey, what are you guys doing to me? Help, somebody! What are you guys going to do to me?" Foghorn cried out in vain.  
  
"We're sending Dark Horns a nice message, and you happen to be our messenger," Lone Prince told him wickedly.  
  
Hurl loaded the tied-up Foghorn into the catapult that was in the middle of the Capsulebago area. Lone Prince pressed a button to open the star roof, as the catapult slowly raised up, out of the ship and into the starry night.  
  
"Now Hurl!" Lone Prince shouted when Foghorn was outside of the ship on the catapult. "Release the catapult!"  
  
"Sure thing, Prince!" Hurl said happily, as he pulled the lever.  
  
"HELP!" Foghorn Leghorn cried, as he was flipped into outer space towards Screwball 1000...  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
On Screwball 1000  
  
..."She's ours now!" Dark Horns declared happily, with a sleepy, satiated look on his face. Something was moving beneath his cape, and Dark Horns cried out in pleasure before he could stop himself.  
  
Porto Rico whispered to Captain Zarbon. "Captain, please don't tell me that he's-"  
  
"Unfortunately, he is, Porto." Captain Zarbon cringed in disgust. "But look at it this way, at least in one-partner lovemaking, you don't need a condom."  
  
"I think that you would, wouldn't you?" Porto asked. "To keep things from getting...messy?"  
  
"Never mind, Porto," Captain Zarbon said quickly, not wanting to discuss Dark Horns's literal "one-on-one" lovemaking sessions any longer.  
  
Suddenly they heard a loud cry for help, and Porto Rico and Captain Zarbon saw a red and white object with feathers flying through space towards Screwball 1000.  
  
"What's that?" Porto Rico wanted to know, as the object came closer and closer until it crashed into the satellite radar on top of Screwball 1000 and knocked the satellite dish off, sending it into space.  
  
The object, now identified as a rooster fell off of the radar and bounced off a wall, from where he eventually crashed into a window. Before Porto Rico and Captain Zarbon knew it, the rooster crashed through the window and right into Dark Horns's body.  
  
"Activate emergency window!" Captain Zarbon ordered, and the emergency window was raised quickly before anyone suffocated.  
  
"I say, well, I say, how did I get here?" Foghorn Leghorn asked, looking around the room. His chicken eyes bulged in horror. "Screwballs! Why me? Why? WHY!? I bet that Sawnya would have never done this to Tweety!"  
  
"What the hell happened here, gentlemen?" Dark Horns wanted to know, unhappy because his "one-on-one" session had been rudely interrupted.  
  
"Sire, I don't know how to put this, but…" Captain Zarbon's voice trailed off.  
  
"Spit it out, Zarbon!"  
  
"To put it bluntly, sire, it seems that someone has literally flipped us the bird!"  
  
"Flipped us the bird? Flipped us the bird!" Dark Horns snapped, now privately zipping up his pants. He pulled out his clean hand from under his cape and pulled down his mask, so that it would disguise his voice. "Only one fool in the universe would dare to flip me the bird!" He changed his voice to become deeper, more threatening. "LONE PRINCE!"  
  
He shook his clean fist at the window where Foghorn Leghorn had crashed through. "You'll pay for flipping me the bird, Lone Prince! Do you understand me? When I find you, I will-" Before Dark Horns could elaborate any further, he tripped over a camera cord, and he crashed through that same window and out into space.  
  
"Oh no!" Kiwi wailed. "He'll die out there in space!"  
  
"The bird survived," Captain Zarbon told him.  
  
"That's only because Warner Bros. Company and PETA threatened to sue Sawnya if Foghorn Leghorn wound up dying in this movie," Porto Rico pointed out. "That was the condition on which they allowed Sawnya to use the bird. We can't even eat him, and that's too bad 'cause I really felt like chicken tonight."  
  
"Never mind that now, Porto," Captain Zarbon told him. "Well, at least Lord Frieza-I mean Dark Horns can survive in space. They can't kill the main villain this early in the story."  
  
"Yeah, that's true," Porto Rico agreed.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Lone Prince's Capsulebago pulled up right besides Princess Bulma's space-car, and then it moved above it. Lone Prince looked down from his window at Princess Bulma's car.  
  
"Good," Lone Prince said happily. "I always like it when I'm on top."  
  
"You're a missionary, aren't you?" Hurl asked, chuckling.  
  
Lone Prince chuckled with him. "Missionary position is the only one for me! Hurl, go down there and retrieve the princess."  
  
"With pleasure, Prince." And with that, Hurl opened the door (yes, he and Lone Prince and Princess Bulma and Chichi will be able to breathe in space in this story) and began to fold down the ladder to go down to Princess Bulma's space-car. 


	4. Chapter Four: At A Breakneck Speed

Chapter Four: At A Breakneck Speed  
  
"Oh no!" Bulma wailed, as she and Chichi Matrix felt their ship being pulled towards Screwball 1000. "I'm too young, beautiful, rich and smart to die!"  
  
She and Chichi Matrix clung to each other, as Bulma's Mercedes was pulled closer and closer to Screwball 1000. Just as Bulma was about to go into hysteria again, she and Chichi heard a knock on Bulma's driver's side door.  
  
"Hey, open up!" a loud, masculine voice boomed. "I'm not going to hurt you two!"  
  
Bulma peeked out her window, and she noticed a large, muscular bald man smiling widely back at her. Bulma was relieved to see him smiling, but she would not have been happy to know that he was smiling because he was covertly looking down her dress, admiring her ample cleavage. Unaware of the real reason for his happy expression, Bulma began to crack her window.  
  
"Nice view," the bald man said before he thought.  
  
"Excuse me?" Bulma asked, looking at him strangely.  
  
"Umm…I was admiring your cleavage-I mean your car!" the bald man stammered quickly, his chiseled face reddening.  
  
"So what is this?" Chichi Matrix demanded to know. "Show and tell? Are you aware, Baldy, that we are about to be captured by Screwballs? And you're acting like you could be one of them. Who are you?"  
  
The bald man grumbled under his breath. He didn't appreciate being called "Baldy", but he had no time to worry about that. "Hurl."  
  
"Not in this car, mister," Chichi Matrix told him abruptly. "This is an sixty-thousand spacezeni car, and we don't have regurgitation insurance put on this vehicle yet."  
  
"No, woman, that's my name-Nappa, I mean, Hurl! Anyway, Princess Bulma's rich daddy hired my partner, Lone Prince, and I to rescue you two ladies. Now quit wasting time 'cause we've gotta get out of here, and Lone Prince is not a patient man."   
  
Bulma and Chichi Matrix bit back a few insults that under normal circumstances would have been "hurled" at Hurl, but they wisely decided against it.  
  
"C'mon, Bulma," Chichi Matrix told her gently. She started to say something else when she noticed Hurl's monkeylike tail. "What the hell is that thing?" she demanded to know.  
  
"I'm a Saiyan, woman, and don't you dare to call me a monkey either. I have to warn people of that in advance. Now enough questions; let's go!"  
  
"Wait!" Bulma exclaimed. "I'm not leaving without my collection of Vera Winger-Wang dresses!"  
  
Chichi Matrix sighed, "Bulma, why didn't you put those in one of your capsules?"  
  
"Because I didn't want them to get crushed! I have fifty-thousand spacezeni worth of dresses, and I'm taking them with me!"  
  
Hurl grumbled. He thought the dresses were a waste of time, but he figured the woman needed something to wear. Besides one or two of them could be low-cut, and he might to get to see more of Bulma's sweet flesh. With this thought in mind, he reluctantly agreed to take the dresses (about five of them) out of Bulma's back seat when Bulma unlocked the door.  
  
"I got the frocks," he told them. "Now let's go before Lone Prince and I change our minds!"  
  
Chichi Matrix sighed again. Hurl was handsome, a fine male, but an arrogant jerk as well. She wondered if this Lone Prince would be the same way. "We're coming, we're coming. C'mon, Bulma, let's go. Follow the monk-I mean the Saiyan."  
  
After grabbing what things that she could, Bulma pressed a button on her control panel to open the driver's side door, and she and Chichi Matrix followed Hurl up the ladder that he had pulled down earlier in front of Bulma's car. Bulma held her black Prada bag against her generous chest, thankful for all of the capsules that were inside; they would come in handy later.  
  
Hurl was climbing behind Bulma and Chichi Matrix, and his face was stuck under Chichi Matrix's metal dress. Chichi Matrix looked down at him and snapped, "Stop looking up my canister!"  
  
"Sorry!" Hurl exclaimed, not really meaning it. She got some nice parts, he thought to himself wickedly. He chuckled softly. He wondered briefly, if it would be possible to have sex with a droid. Well, he would definitely find out soon enough.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Ten minutes later…  
  
Lone Prince was idling with his tail, wondering what he and Hurl were going to do to escape once they had Princess Bulma on board. He also briefly wondered what Princess Bulma looked like, if she was beautiful or not. He grinned slyly; if she was beautiful, well…every Prince needed a Princess, even a lone one. Now if she didn't have a height requirement, they might get along just fine…  
  
He'd have to wait and see.  
  
The passenger-side door opened up, and Hurl came stumbling into the Capsulebago, carrying five, fancy expensive dresses. Lone Prince frowned at this sight.  
  
"What the hell are those?" Lone Prince demanded to know.  
  
"Her Highness's Vera Winger-Wang frocks," Hurl panted, for the gorgeous dresses were heavy. He threw them down on the front seat of the vehicle.  
  
"What the hell does the woman think this is--?" Lone Prince asked, annoyed. He reached for the microphone and called through the intercom, "Now hear this: as soon as we get to safety, the first thing we are doing is disintegrating the Vera Winger-Wang frocks!"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
In the backroom of the Capsulebago…  
  
The messy ship disgusted Bulma. Dozens of food containers from hundreds of restaurants littered the backroom, which also served as a recreation room. There was a mountain of red and green soda cans piled up in one corner, and both women could smell the stench of mold and dirty laundry. Wrinkling her nose, Bulma had heard Lone Prince's last announcement:  
  
"Now hear this: as soon as we get to safety, the first thing we are doing is disintegrating the Vera Winger-Wang frocks!"  
  
Bulma seethed with fury. All of those dresses were wedding gifts. She called out in a clear, angry voice, "Now hear this, you fool: you are not touching those dresses. Furthermore, I want this pigpen cleaned up because I refuse to be rescued in such a dump! Hear that?" Chichi Matrix just stared at her with her mouth agape.  
  
Lone Prince yelled back through the intercom, "Now see here, woman! On this ship, I give orders, not take them! And the order for you is to shut up, and do what you are told, and be thankful that I would even bother rescuing such a disrespectful wench such as yourself!"  
  
Bulma growled, "Woman? Wench?"  
  
"Uh oh," Chichi Matrix mumbled.  
  
With full fury, Bulma shouted back, "How dare you talk to me that way? I am Princess Bulma of planet Droolia, and I am to be addressed properly as Your Royal Highness! Now send someone back here to clean up this sea of filth, for I'm drowning in it!"  
  
"If you want it clean, woman, then you clean it! I am Lone Prince, and Lone Prince cleans up for no one! The only thing that I would bother cleaning up is your attitude!"  
  
"Screw you!"  
  
"You promise?" Lone Prince joked hopefully. "That would be nice; I haven't had any in a while."  
  
"Ugh!" Bulma hissed aside to Chichi. She called back to her annoying rescuer, "Listen here, you perverted bastard, I am a princess, not a whore! Don't think that just because you are saving us, I'm supposed to just hop into bed with you! It's not happening, Princie!"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Up front with Lone Prince and Hurl…  
  
"Listen here, you perverted bastard, I am a princess, not a whore! Don't think that just because you are saving us, I'm supposed to just hop into bed with you! It's not happening, Princie!"  
  
"Perverted bastard, am I? Hurl, remind me to give that loudmouthed woman a piece of my mind!" Lone Prince ordered furiously. "How dare she treat me this way? Does she not know that I am a Prince?"  
  
"Um…Lone Prince, that hasn't been proven yet," Hurl dared to say. Lone Prince thought about cuffing him, but decided against it. He had to let Hurl keep what few brains he did have.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
On Screwball 1000…  
  
"Finally, it's about time!" Dark Horns hissed, as one of his subordinates announced that Princess Bulma's Mercedes had been pulled into the ship called Screwball 1000. Twenty minutes later, he, Captain Zarbon, and Porto Rico hurried down to the landing port where Princess Bulma's car had been "parked".  
  
When the three villains arrived, Dark Horns pulled down his mask and once again imitated Montgomery Burns for the umpteenth time that day, rubbing his fingertips together and purring, "Excellent."  
  
Captain Zarbon whispered to Porto Rico, "We've got to find some new villain for him to emulate."  
  
"Or better yet none at all. Did Kiwi destroy those 'Star Wars' and 'Simpsons' videos?" Porto Rico asked.  
  
"They've been disintegrated, yes, and I've already arranged to have Dark Horns' video order sheets monitored, so that he doesn't order new copies."  
  
Dark Horns approached the white Mercedes, but he couldn't see inside because the windows were tinted a navy blue. He stood up haughtily and proudly, declaring loudly, "Well, Princess Bulma, you thought that you could escape us, eh? Ha, we sure showed you didn't we? Yes, we did, little girl, yes we did! No one can escape Frieza-I mean Dark Horns-oh, curses, why couldn't Sawnya have let me use my own name? Anyway, you're now our prisoner until your father surrenders to us the Dragonspaceballs in exchange for your release. And while my people go to retrieve the precious balls, you will be entertaining me and my balls in bed! Hahahahahaha!"  
  
"Um…sire," Captain Zarbon began hesitantly.  
  
"Quiet, Zarbon! Let me finish!" Dark Horns continued to speak towards the vehicle, "It's been a while since I've been with a princess, and I need someone to keep me occupied while we're retrieving your Dragonspaceballs. I am a fine lover, I can assure you, and if you consent-"  
  
"Sire," Captain Zarbon dared to say. "Didn't your father say that you couldn't sleep with her? Remember that last lawsuit when you slept with a princess that you took as a hostage? Princess Allura, I believe the name was. Porto, she played on some show before, some eighties show. What was it?"  
  
"Voltron, you nincompoop!" Dark Horns yelled at him. "And I swear to this day that Prince Lotor was the father of her baby, not me! My father still throws that in my face every time he has to write a check to Princess Allura's home planet! Anyway, since Father said no, I suppose I can't touch this one we just caught." He said towards the car, "Alright, Princess, I'm not going to try anything on you, but you will come out of the vehicle now! Open the door, and come out!"  
  
The car door slowly lifted into the air, but it was not Princess Bulma who stepped out; it was a short, black duck with a white band around his neck and a big bill on his face. He stomped out of the vehicle and scowled.  
  
Captain Zarbon frantically searched through his fanfiction script and gasped, "Daffy Duck? I don't recall him being in this fanfiction!"  
  
"I snnnnnnuck in," Daffy Duck blurted. "I tried out for cameo part that Foghorn Leghorn was in, but I was turned down! What does a big, blussssstery rooster have over a famous duck like me? What makes him so special to be in this story; why he doesn't even have his big beak on half of the Looney Tunes merchandise that I do! What gives?"  
  
Dark Horns snarled, "Who cares? Where is Princess Bulma, you scrawny excuse for poultry?"  
  
"S-some big, bald man with a monkey tail t-t-took them from thissss ship," Daffy blurted out. "I was sleeping in the backseat on a bunch of expensive dresses, and I went to hide in the trunk when the monkey man took the dresses-and my bedding-away. Said his name was Hurl, and that he was taking the dames to some guy named Lone Prince."  
  
Dark Horns growled, "Lone Prince! I knew that other bird came from him!"  
Kiwi came running into the landing port. "Sire, our radar has finally been repaired, and I see the shape of a Capsulebago on the radar."  
  
"I'll get you for this, Lone Prince!" Dark Horns snarled. He slammed his tail against the open car door, and the car door landed on his tail, smashing the tip of his tail and Daffy Duck's foot.   
  
"Owwwwww!" Daffy shrieked. "You guys are dissss-picable!"  
  
Porto Rico spoke up, grinning, "Anyone feel like duck tonight?" He licked his chops.  
  
Kiwi sighed. That duck was about to be goosed.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Back on the Capsulebago…  
  
Lone Prince watched his radar carefully. "Terrific, here comes the ship of fools!"  
  
"We better spilt then," Hurl told his partner.  
  
"Switch to hyper engines," Lone Prince ordered.  
  
"Switching to hyper engines," Hurl said calmly, pressing a few buttons.  
  
Lone Prince called through his microphone, "Buckle up back there, women; we're going to hyperactive!" And the Capsulebago speeded up quickly to hyperactive.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Back on Screwball 1000…  
  
Captain Zarbon and the others were back in the control room, and Captain Zarbon said,   
"Don't worry, sire, we're coming closer to them every minute. Soon, Lone Prince will be ours."  
  
Dark Horns (in his best Darth Vader voice) said slowly with his mask down, "About time. Now prepare to attack."  
  
Captain Zarbon shouted out, "Prepare to attack!"  
  
Porto Rico added, "Preparing to attack now!"  
  
Dark Horns ordered, "On the count of three. One, two…  
  
But before he could say "three", the Capsulebago took off into hyperactive, dashing away from Screwball 1000 in a blurring twinkling of an eye. All that was left was a tiny dot fading further and further away-a huge moon-sized cloud of white, dirty smoke that managed to fog up the window.  
  
Dark Horns growled, "Idiots! Don't they know that there are clean-air engines now? Anyway, where in the hell are they? Where did they go?"  
  
Captain Zarbon stammered, "They must have hyperjets or something, sire, or hyper engines."  
  
"And what does Screwball 1000 have to power her speed-double A batteries?"  
  
"No, no, sire."  
  
"Well, find them, capture them. Destroy Lone Prince!" Dark Horns commanded.  
  
"Yes, sire!" Captain Zarbon said cheerfully. He reached for a mike on the control panel and shouted through the mike, "Prepare ship for light speed!"  
  
"Not light speed, you fool! Light speed is much too slow for us and for this story! If we go with light speed, this fanfiction will be over with before we catch up with that sniveling monkey, Lone Prince!"  
  
"Light speed is that slow, sire?" Captain Zarbon gasped. "Then what are we going to do now?"  
  
Dark Horns said with an evil grin, "Easy, we're going to go right to breakneck speed!"  
  
"BREAKNECK SPEED??!!" everyone exclaimed in horror.  
  
"Sire, please tell me that all of those 'Simpsons' episodes you've been watching have made your brain turn to lunar dust!" Captain Zarbon cried in protest "I don't think that Screwball 1000 can take breakneck speed! Why, it would be risking suicide-"  
  
"What's the matter, Captain Zarbon?" Dark Horns sneered. "Are you a real man, after all, or are you truly the pretty boy that everyone calls you? Maybe you should go back to modeling instead of running a ship. I'm sure that the gay pride people would be happy to see that happen."   
  
Zarbon's face flushed. He then stammered as bravely as possible in a high, high pitched voice, "Prepare ship for breakneck speed! Fasten your safety belts, close all entrances and exits, shut down the mall stores, cancel school, the captive Barnum & Bailey Circus, the strip club, Sweet Cheeks…"  
  
"Wait!" Porto Rico wailed. "Don't close the strip club! I have an appointment with a stripper down there named Honey Moon! Honey's coming up in an hour to entertain all of us!"  
  
Captain Zarbon grinned wickedly, and then he halted quickly, "Oh, yeah, right! Forget about the closing the strip club! Anyway, shut down the restaurants, cancel all doctor's appointments, secure the elderly and the children…"  
  
Dark Horns snatched the microphone from Captain Zarbon. "Gimme that mike, fancy pants!" Captain Zarbon hurriedly did so, and he and Porto Rico, Kiwi, and all of the Blind-Fools in the control room raced to buckle themselves into their seats. Kiwi had to run around and make sure that the Blind-Fools were buckled in, and then he finally buckled himself in."  
  
Dark Horns called into the mike, "Now here this, fools, breakneck speed…"  
  
"Sire!" Porto Rico cried out. "Shouldn't you buckle up?"  
  
"Ah, buckle your mouth shut, Dodoria-I mean Porto Rico-especially when you're around food!" Dark Horns snapped back at him. He then called through the mike one last time, "Breakneck speed, go!"  
  
Screwball 1000 took off, and her speed display lit up from "Light Speed" to "Hyperactive Speed" and then finally to "Breakneck Speed." Dark Horns screamed like a little girl, as he started to fly backwards, and he would have crashed into the "Mr. Or Mrs. Cappuccino" machine had it not been for him grabbing Captain Zarbon's long, emerald braid. He held onto the braid tightly, as if it were a rope.  
  
"Oww!" Captain Zarbon wailed. "My beautiful hair! My extensions! Sire, you are pulling out my extensions!"  
  
Captain Zarbon's hairpieces were the last concern of Dark Horns at this moment. "Help me! My brains are going down into my crotch!"  
  
"Siiiiiiiire! Most of the time your braaaaaaaaaaaaaains are in your crotch!" Captain Zarbon dared to cry aloud.  
  
"He has to have braaaaaaaaains in the first place for them to gooooooooooo into his feet!" Porto Rico dared to add.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
On the Capsulebago…  
  
Lone Prince was driving the Capsulebago as fast as he could on hyperactive. He and Hurl felt the power of Screwball 1000 fly directly over their spacecar. When both men looked up, they were shocked to see a shadow-a shadow made up of cashews, peanuts, walnuts, almonds, and various other nuts.  
  
The eyes of Lone Prince and Hurl bulged widely, and Hurl gasped, as he leaned forward in the driver's seat. "What in the universe was that?"  
  
Lone Prince said slowly, "That was Screwball 1000. And they've gone nuts!"  
  
"Weren't they nuts to begin with?" Hurl asked. "After all they are Screwballs."  
  
"True, very true, Hurl. But there's only one thing to do now," Lone Prince told Hurl, as they watched Screwball 1000 disappear further away into space.   
  
"What's that, Prince?"  
  
"We haven't had a snack yet, Hurl. Grab a bag, open your window, and catch some of those nuts! I'm starving!"  
  
"Whatever you say, Prince!" Hurl replied, as he went to do his partner's bidding. Within ten minutes, they had five bags of assorted nuts.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Back on Screwball 1000…  
  
Dark Horns cried aloud, "Stop this ship now! We've passed those fools!"  
  
Captain Zarbon screamed, "Siiiierrrrrrrrrrrrrr! We can't stop right away! We must slooooooowwwwwwwww down firrrrrrrrrrrrrrsssssssst!"   
  
Dark Horns was still clinging to Captain Zarbon's dark jade braid, further pulling out all of Captain Zarbon's hair extensions.  
  
"Yeaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh righhhhhhhhhhhhhttt!" Dark Horns cried desperately. "Just stop this shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip now! I commannnnnnnnnnnnnnnd you to stop!"  
  
Captain Zarbon, still in extreme pain because Dark Horns was holding to his loosening hair extensions for dear life, shakily leaned over to the emergency brake next to his seat.   
  
There was a sign next to the seat, which read, "Emergency Stop. Don't use unless you are an idiot or have a death wish." Captain Zarbon, fully aware of the sign's warning, quickly yanked the lever for the emergency brake to stop the ship.  
  
The ship stopped abruptly, and Dark Horns finally was forced to loosen his grip on Captain Zarbon's hair. He was flung forward towards the front window, carrying in his hand, almost all of Captain Zarbon's hair extensions. He crashed into the front window, breaking his neck, colliding through the glass, and his body was then hurled into space.   
  
"AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!" Dark Horns screamed, as his body drifted helplessly in outer space.  
  
The rest of the Screwball 1000 crew was barely recovering from the shock of the ship flying at breakneck speed. Captain Zarbon was now bald, except for his circlet and a few strands of emerald hair, and Porto Rico's body was almost like a giant, round, flat, pink, spiky pancake squashed against his seat. The Blind-Fools were clinging to the edges of their seats.  
  
"Re-retrieve Dark Horns puh-please!" Captain Zarbon stammered through the mike next to his seat.  
  
Within an hour, Dark Horns' body was finally brought back into Screwball 1000, and an emergency window had been lowered in front of the broken one. Within another hour, Dark Horns' neck was secured in a neck brace, and he was on his way to the healing tanks.  
  
As his gurney passed Captain Zarbon and Porto Rico, Captain Zarbon said, "Sire, are you alright?"  
  
Dark Horns moaned, "Great. How've you all been?" He was very disoriented, and he was not one-hundred percent sure that the ship had stopped.  
  
"W-wonderful, s-sire," Captain Zarbon said shakily.  
  
"G-good, Captain. Now, are we stopped?"  
  
"Yes, sire," Captain Zarbon said as calmly as possible. "It is a good thing that you can breathe in space, sire. How does your neck feel?"  
  
Dark Horns groaned, "When they mean breakneck speed, they mean breakneck speed. So, we really are stopped now, Zarbon?"  
  
"Yes, sire. What should we do now, sire?"  
  
"Umm…while I'm healing, why don't we take a break? A long break, at least until Sawnya can come out with the next chapter."  
  
"Of course, sire. Very good. I was just thinking the same thing myself."  
  
"Zarbon, do me one more favor."  
  
"What's that, sire?"  
  
"Bring me a drink before they put me in the tanks! A strong one that will knock me out!"  
  
"Yes, sire."  
  
"Make it a vodka." And with that, Dark Horns made the mistake of turning his head, and his entire body rolled off of the gurney before anyone could catch him.  
  
  
  
  
A/N: I am so sorry that it's taken me a while to upload new chapters. I've just had so much to do lately. Anyway, I don't own Daffy Duck or  
anything to do with the Voltron cartoon.  
  
Both this chapter of DSB and Tayla are coming up, and the next chapter of "Chestra" should be ready by tonight or tomorrow night. Thank you for your patience. =) 


	5. Chapter Five:

Chapter Five: You Will Refer To Me As…  
  
Lone Prince was unusually happy, and he ordered Hurl to take the Capsulebago out of hyperactive.  
  
"Taking her out of hyperactive," Hurl said joyously, as he reached over from the passenger side seat and took the ship out of hyperactive. He boasted, "We're something, aren't we, Prince? Hell, they must have passed us by at least a year! I bet it'll take them that long to come find us!"  
  
"Don't get too confident yet, Hurl," Lone Prince told him. "Never underestimate Screwballs, especially the biggest Screwball of all-our dear Dark Horns, whose horns are probably red by now! Anyway, set a course now for Droolia."  
  
Hurl did just that, but both Saiyans noticed the Capsulebago shaking violently, as if it were in an epileptic fit. "Prince! We're losing power fast!"  
  
"Why?" Lone Prince demanded to know worriedly.  
  
"We're out of gas!"  
  
"Curse you, Nappa-I mean, Hurl! I told you to put more than two spacezeni's worth in!"  
  
"Well, Prince, there was no way that I was paying three spacezeni and fifty spacecents per gallon of gas!" Hurl said defensively. "We must have burned it up in hyperactive! I'm amazed it lasted that long!"  
  
"We must prepare for emergency landing," Lone Prince said decisively. "Hurl, put it on emergency landing."  
  
"Putting it on emergency landing…"  
  
"And say your prayers."  
  
"Now I lay me down to sleep…I pray the Lord my soul to keep…if I should die, before I wake…"  
  
"Hurl, shut up! Stop that and help me get this craft landed!"  
  
"Yes, Prince!"  
  
Lone Prince shouted through the microphone. "Keep your seat belts on! Are you women okay back there?"  
  
Bulma's voice echoed through the intercom, "Hell, no, you primitive moron! Who taught you how to fly-Launchpad McQuack from Ducktales?"  
  
Lone Prince flushed some then, even though he was furious. When he had first taken flying lessons, lessons from Launchpad had all he had been able to afford at the time until he could get enough money to pay a better teacher. He didn't need that loudmouthed princess reminding him of those hard times when Launchpad had nearly killed him every other lesson.  
  
"Blasted woman!" he roared. "How dare she bring that time up?"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
An extremely excruciating three hours later…  
  
The Capsulebago slowly crashed into the desert sands of the moon of Sega, and with a nervous Hurl's help, Lone Prince had justly barely and safely landed them into a sand dune.  
  
Meanwhile in the backroom, a disheveled Bulma (who could not find any seatbelts in the backroom and had been forced to cling to some guardrails to save herself), had just managed to haul herself out of a pile of aluminum beer cans. Chichi Matrix's droid body was banged and dinged, but other than that, she was still stable. Bulma tried to pull herself together as much as she could, smoothing her wedding gown and running her slim fingers through her aqua hair. She was infuriated, and she knew a certain "space monkey" whom she planned to tell off immediately.  
  
"I'm going to let him have it once and for all!" she roared, as she began to head out of the backroom, sweeping her skirts behind her.  
  
"WAIT! Don't do anything rash!" Chichi Matrix pleaded. "They're missing a few bolts, I know, but we'll need them to help get us home!"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Up front…  
  
"Primitive idiot, am I? Perverted bastard, am I? I'm going back there just to let her know who's superior here, which isn't her!" Lone Prince hissed in his fury.  
  
"Wait, Prince!" Hurl protested. "I've seen her, and she's a babe! Man, that hair, and her chest, why those boobs hardly look real, but I'm sure that they are! She has a nice body, breasts, and legs that just don't quit. At least get a good look at her before you disintegrate her!"  
  
"Babe or not, she is not going to talk to me that way!" Lone Prince growled.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
In the backroom…  
  
"Please think before you yell at him," Chichi Matrix pleaded. "Who knows? He might be sexy. He has such a fine voice!"  
  
"Sexy?" Bulma exclaimed angrily. "Alright, so his voice may be of a Kami's, but that doesn't excuse his manners! Hmmph! Besides he acts just like a space-monkey, smelly, porn-ogling, shot-drinking pig who probably wouldn't know common decency if it hit him in his face!"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Up front…  
  
"Hurl, don't over exaggerate," Lone Prince scoffed. "You've seen one alien princess, you've seen them all! She may have a fine body, but even if that's true, she sounds like a loudmouthed, obnoxious, bossy female whom her groom was probably happy to get rid of! He's probably celebrating 'cause she ran away! If she talked to him, like she talked to me, I would be celebrating too!"  
  
And with that, Lone Prince and Hurl walked to the backroom, with Lone Prince marching furiously with his head down, like a cat ready to pounce on an annoying mouse.  
  
He mumbled under his breath, "Loudmouthed, sharp-tongued, foul-tempered woman…doesn't she know that I am a Prince, and no one, not even her speaks to me that way!"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Backroom…  
  
"Egotistical prick, arrogant as hell, foul-mouthed, probably couldn't get a woman in bed if he offered her all of the stars, plus Disneyworld and MGM studios! How dare he proposition me?" Bulma fumed, just as the "egotistical prick" and his friend entered the backroom unannounced.  
  
Bulma's jaw dropped when she saw what the shorter of the two men looked like. Before her stood a short, but very handsome and well-developed muscular male with black hair that was spiky and pointed like an ebony fire. He stood majestically in a leather bomber jacket, a strange gold pin on his lapel, and jeans that clung to his finely enhanced muscles. She could see the outlines of a six-pack chest through his white T-shirt. And his face, angular, but nicely chiseled features! And his hands! Bulma couldn't help but imagine what those large, well-developed hands could do to a woman's body.  
  
He's much handsomer than Eatum, that's for sure! I sure was right to run away, especially since this hunk came along!  
  
Lone Prince's jaw had also plummeted, and he could not take his obsidian eyes of Bulma's perfect curves. The wedding dress she wore clung to her slender, lithe body nicely, with a nice hint of cleavage in her neckline. Lone Prince tried to keep himself from staring at her abundant bosom for too long, but he couldn't. He then looked at her face, soft turquoise eyes that were framed with unusually long lashes, and her hair was long and aqua, a silvery light blue waterfall that cascaded down her face and shoulders. He gave her a long once-over, openly admiring her hourglass figure.  
  
*What a woman! All those curves, that body, and that wit of hers! Hmm…I wonder what she'd be like naked and beneath me!*   
  
Lone Prince then grinned at the thought of Bulma in a lacy white garter and teddy instead of that wedding dress. Better yet, no clothes at all.  
  
They stood like that, as if frozen in time, openly ogling each other, lust at first sight. Then after a few minutes that seemed like hours, they finally came to their senses. Lone Prince was the first to recover, but the words that he had wanted to tell her off with did not come out the way that he had wanted them to earlier:  
  
"Now see here, woman, on this ship, you will refer to me as 'Perverted Bastard', not Prince! Got that woman?"  
  
Bulma grinned evilly, as she said slyly, "Got it, Perverted Bastard."   
  
Hurl and Chichi Matrix both openly snickered at Bulma's obeying Lone Prince's demand. Embarrassed at making a fool of himself because he had been concentrating more on her ample breasts than his thoughts, Lone Prince sputtered, "Reverse that first sentence, woman! You know what I mean!"  
  
Bulma was finally able to gather her thoughts together, although it had taken her some time to do so. She collected all of her fury and snapped back, "And you will not address me as woman! You will never address me as woman! You will refer to me as Your Royal Highness!"  
  
"Oh, you're royal, all right, woman," Lone Prince said with a smirk. "In fact, you're a royal pain in the as-"  
  
Before he could finish, Hurl did one thing that he would have normally never done under any circumstances: he interrupted his partner. "Time out, Prince! We have a problem!"  
  
"No, really, Hurl, I didn't know that!" Lone Prince sneered. "She's standing right in front of us!"  
  
"Now see you, you little monkey prick-" Bulma began.  
  
"Don't you dare refer to me as monkey, woman!"  
  
"And don't you dare call me woman!"  
  
"Okay, man, whatever you say!"  
  
"Why you little-"  
  
"That's enough!" Hurl dared to order, as he endured the deadly glares of both Lone Prince and Bulma. "Any minute now, Screwball 1000 is going to make a huge three-hundred-and-sixty-degree turn and come right back after us. If we don't flee soon, Dark Horns will send us all into a black hole permanently!"  
  
"He's right," Lone Prince said authoritatively, for once agreeing with his partner. "Let's go!"  
  
"Wait!" Bulma cried out. "We need to get my things!"  
  
"Bulma, you have your Prada bag with all of your capsules in it," Chichi Matrix pointed out.  
  
"I'm not leaving without my Vera Winger-Wang dresses!" Bulma insisted.  
  
"Now see, you royal…" Lone Prince began, but Hurl nudged him and grunted, "…highness. I command you to take only what you need to survive."  
  
"We could sell her dresses for supplies," Hurl pointed out.  
  
"Sell my dresses?" Bulma hissed furiously. "Now see here-"  
  
Chichi Matrix nudged Bulma and whispered, "Just go along with them for now. We'll find a way to keep your dresses later." Bulma reluctantly agreed.  
  
Hurl glared darkly at Bulma, along with Lone Prince, as they all prepared to leave the Capsulebago.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
On the sands of Sega…  
  
Lone Prince was grumbling loudly, as he carried three of Bulma's Vera Winger-Wang dresses on his back. Hurl was openly ogling Chichi Matrix while he was lugging the last couple of Bulma's expensive dresses on his broad, muscular back. He had heard that it was possible for some droids to have sex, and he had been speculating on whether Chichi Matrix could be one of them. He admired her curves, and her long, synthetic black hair, which, if he had been able to touch it, was as soft as real hair. Chichi Matrix was built like a human woman, although she was gold-covered, an actual android. Hurl was drooling because of her, and because the hot desert sun was draining what moisture that he had in him away.  
  
Lone Prince's thoughts were drifting between thoughts of bedding Bulma to thoughts of strangling her, as the weight of the lacy, silky, or otherwise ornate dresses bore heavily down on his back. Finally, his thoughts of her swung more towards strangling her, as he decided that he had enough of the weighty gowns that he had been coerced to carry.  
  
"That's it!" Lone Prince hissed. "These dresses are staying where I dropped them!" And with that, Lone Prince dropped all three of the dresses off of his back. "Hurl, ditch the dresses! Carrying them through this heat is ridiculous!"  
  
Hurl happily followed suit, and Bulma turned around and snapped at them, "You two pick those back up!"  
  
Lone Prince retorted, "You want these dresses with you, YOU carry them! Hurl and I are not your pack mules!"  
  
"I am a princess! Princesses do not do heavy work!"  
  
Lone Prince narrowed his eyes at Bulma. "Okay, princess, the clock has struck midnight. Cinderella is no longer at the ball, and the coachmen and footmen are gone! If you want these bundles of lace, froth and ornaments so badly, then you will find a way to carry them! Hurl and I are your rescuers, not your butlers! As of now, you are no better than us, especially me! Until I return you to your father, I am in charge!"  
  
"How dare you speak that way to me?" Bulma demanded. "How dare you…you…you…you…" Her voice echoed throughout the desert for miles. She continued to shout more angry words to the wind.  
  
Lone Prince smirked, watching her carefully, as she screamed. "Look at her…that cape of turquoise, those glittering aqua eyes…that trace of blush upon her fair cheeks…the nice way that her chest heaves up and down when she's angry…"  
  
Hurl grinned. "Yeah, I've noticed that last part myself earlier."  
  
Bulma stopped her ranting and looked at Lone Prince, as if seeing him in a different light. "You really meant those things?" she asked.  
  
"Of course," Lone Prince said wickedly. "It all comes down to one thing."  
  
"What's that?"  
  
"You look hideous when you're angry!" Lone Prince said, grinning. Hurl laughed.  
  
Bulma would have slapped his face, but Chichi Matrix thankfully pulled her back before she did anything rash.  
  
"That's enough," Hurl said, still laughing. "We need to find a place to sleep before long. It's getting dark."  
  
Chichi Matrix took Bulma's hand. "C'mon, Bulma. We'll just take the two dresses that you like the most." Bulma reluctantly agreed.  
  
So Chichi Matrix picked up a red dress, and Bulma picked up a lavender one, and both women walked ahead slowly through the dusty sands. Hurl, happy not to have to carry any more dresses, was singing, "Free at last, free at last! Thank you, God, we are free at last-"  
  
"Not yet, Hurl," Lone Prince snapped. "We still have to return the woman to her father."  
  
Hurl sighed. Ah, well. After abandoning most of Bulma's dresses, Bulma, Chichi Matrix, Lone Prince, and Hurl continued to trudge through the dusty desert on the Moon of Sega.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Screwball 1000…  
  
Dark Horns had his mask down, and he was sipping French Vanilla cappuccino through the air piece in his Dark Vader-like helmet. He asked Porto Rico, "Have you found them yet?"  
  
"No, sire. They're not showing on the scanners."  
  
"Well, keep looking."  
  
Captain Zarbon dashed in at the moment, with Honey Moon, a big, busty blonde with green eyes and long, long yellow hair down her back, on his arm. "Sire, I have the solution to our dilemma."  
  
"And what would that be, Captain?" Dark Horns wanted to know.   
  
Captain Zarbon turned to Porto Rico. "Porto, get on the intergalacticnet."  
  
"Yes, Captain."  
  
Within minutes, all four of them were at the main computer terminal. Honey Moon was nibbling on Zarbon's ear, and Dark Horns managed a quick "one-on-one" section while Porto Rico was setting up the computer. Finally, they reached the intergalacticnet.  
  
"Now, Porto, go to fanfiction.net."  
  
"Yes, Captain."  
  
Dark Horns asked, bored, "What is the point of this, Captain Zarbon?"  
  
Captain Zarbon explained, "Well, sire, I have some good news. There has been a breakthrough in fanfiction writing."  
  
"And?"  
  
"You'll see, sire. Porto, type in 'Dragonspaceballs' in the title bar."  
  
"Yes, Captain."  
  
On the computer screen, a page came up with one entry marked "Dragonspaceballs by Sawnya". And Dark Horns noticed that at the beginning of the summary sentence, it said, "COMPLETE".  
  
"Complete? This story is completed already? How can that be? Sawnya's still in the middle of writing it!"  
  
Captain Zarbon said easily, "True, sire, but like I said before, there's been an astounding breakthrough in fanfiction writing."  
  
"And what would that be?"  
  
"Instant fanfictions. Completed fanfiction stories that are out on the Internet before the story has been finished!"  
  
"Captain, did you lose what few brain cells that you possess along with your hair extensions?"  
  
"No way, sire. It's absolutely true. Porto Rico, start on the first chapter."  
  
"Yes, Captain."  
  
They arrived on the first page of "Dragonspaceballs".  
  
"Porto, read it out loud."  
  
"Yes, Captain." And Porto Rico began to read the story out loud, "Disclaimer: I do not own DragonballZ or any of its characters, nor do I own "Spaceballs" (the movie that this story is based on), or any of its characters. "Spaceballs" belongs to Mel Brooks, and whoever worked with him to make it. Akira Toriyama, Toei Animation, Funimation, and whoever else is involved does…"  
  
"Too early!" Dark Horns cried. "Way too early."  
  
"Porto, prepare to skip to the next chapter-"  
  
"No, no, Captain!" Dark Horns protested. "Still much too early. Skip ahead a chapter or two."  
  
"Porto, prepare to skip ahead," Captain Zarbon ordered.  
  
"Preparing to skip ahead…skipping ahead now…"  
  
Before they knew it, Porto Rico was reading "Chapter Four: At A Breakneck Speed" until he came to the part of Captain Zarbon stopping the ship. "The ship stopped abruptly, and Dark Horns finally was forced to loosen his grip on Captain Zarbon's hair. He was flung forward towards the front window, carrying in his hand, almost all of Captain Zarbon's hair extensions. He crashed into the front window, breaking his neck, colliding through the glass, and his body was then hurled into space. 'AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!' Dark Horns screamed, as his body drifted helplessly in outer space. The rest of the Screwball 1000 crew was barely recovering…"  
  
"No!" Dark Horns exclaimed in horror. "Skip past that part. In fact, never, ever read that part again!" He called out to everyone on the ship, "Does everyone hear me? Everyone is forbidden to read Chapter Four ever again, is that clear?" He waved his ringed finger as an additional warning.  
  
All of the males on the ship instinctively covered their crotches. "Yes, sire!" The women nodded quickly.  
  
Finally, Porto Rico reached the page that contained "Chapter Five: You Will Refer To Me As…" and he quickly skimmed through the page without reading it out loud until he reached the passage that said, "Finally, Porto Rico reached the page that contained 'Chapter Five: You Will Refer To Me As…' and he quickly skimmed through the page without reading it out loud until he reached the passage that said…"  
  
Dark Horns's eyes bulged under his helmet, as he continued to read the story. He pointed to the next paragraph. He waved at the computer, and he read out loud, "Dark Horns's eyes bulged under his helmet, as he continued to read the story. He pointed to the next paragraph. He waved at the computer, and he read…"  
  
Dark Horns then held up his middle finger and flicked it at the computer. The chapter page spoke of Dark Horns's flicking the computer off, as if it had already happened. Dark Horns did everything, including sticking his tongue at the computer screen to flashing himself at it (which delighted Porto Rico, but caused poor Captain Zarbon and Honey Moon to faint from shock).   
Dark Horns then cried out, "Screw this story!"  
  
He then read in the next sentence, "Screw this story!"  
  
Captain Zarbon managed to recover from shock, as he helped himself and Honey Moon up off of the floor. Dark Horns seized Captain Zarbon by his collar and exclaimed, "What the hell am I reading, Captain? So far anything that I have done has been recorded to the very last detail on the computer! When did this part happen in this story?"  
  
"Now, sire. You are reading about now, sire. Everything that is happening now is being written now."  
  
"What happened to then?" Dark Horns demanded to know. He was not so sure that he liked some fanfiction story, even one that he was starring in, predicting his every word and move correctly.  
  
"We passed then, sire."  
  
"When? When did we pass then? I didn't even get to read about then!"  
  
"Just now. We're reading about now, now."  
  
"Go back to the passage about then."  
  
"When, sire?"  
  
"Right now!"  
  
"Right now?"  
  
"RIGHT NOW!" Dark Horns roared.  
  
"We-we can't, sire!"  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"We missed that part."  
  
"When?"  
  
"Just now."  
  
"When will the passage about then be now?"  
  
Captain Zarbon sighed, "Porto Rico, skim down the chapter further."  
  
"Yes, Captain."  
  
And within seconds, Porto Rico was reading a new passage, "After abandoning most of Bulma's dresses, Bulma, Chichi Matrix, Lone Prince, and Hurl continued to trudge through the dusty desert…"  
  
Porto Rico cried out with delight, "We found them, sire!"  
  
"Where?" Dark Horns demanded to know.  
  
"It says near the end of this chapter that, 'Porto Rico told Dark Horns that Bulma was on the Moon of Sega.'"  
  
"Good job, Porto!" Captain Zarbon cheered. "Tell Kiwi to set a course and prepare for our arrival."  
  
"When will we arrive?" Dark Horns asked impatiently.  
  
"In approximately seventeen hundred hours, sire," Captain Zarbon assured him. "Rest assured, sire, that by midnight tomorrow they will be our prisoners. Oh, and sire, one more thing?"  
  
"What's that?"  
  
"I just read the next-to-the-last sentence of this story. Would you please wait on your next 'one-on-one' session at least until the next chapter?"  
  
Dark Horns's face reddened, as he mumbled, embarrassed, "Sure, why not?"  
  
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
A/N: Hehehe! Hmmm...I'm debating on whether to keep this story clean, or put in a lemon or citrus scene involving Lone Prince and Bulma. It would make things interesting, but then the original movie didn't have any lemony scenes. Also, I may have a little Nappa/Chichi pairing, something that you don't see every day. Well, anyway, let me know what you think...R&R! 


	6. Chapter Six: Getting Better Acquainted

Chapter Six: Getting Better Acquainted  
  
Night on the Moon of Sega…  
  
Hurl was curled up like a huge St. Bernard, snoring loudly. Even Lone Prince's shoving sand down Hurl's pants did not do anything to rouse him and force him to stop snoring. Only Chichi Matrix was able to sleep, and the droid's head was bend forward. On the small screen monitor on her chest read the phrase that kept rolling across the screen, "Sleep Mode. Do Not Awaken Unless You Have A Death Wish."  
  
Bulma was curled up into herself, shivering, as she tried to keep warm in the cold desert night. Lone Prince mischievously came up from behind her with his arms spread wide open. Before Bulma knew it, Lone Prince threw his arms around her from behind, wrapping them around her body tightly. He chuckled wickedly until Bulma managed to struggle out of his arms.  
  
"What do you think you're doing?" she hissed at him.  
  
Lone Prince laughed. "Trying to keep you warm, woman. I saw you shivering…so I figured that I warm you up in my own way."  
  
"Well, I'm perfectly fine, thank you," Bulma told him stiffly, wrapping her slender arms around her body.  
  
"Suit yourself," Lone Prince told her.  
  
Still, she shivered, and Lone Prince finally took off his leather jacket and offered it to her. Bulma looked at the coat hesitantly.  
  
"Are you going to take it, woman, or what?" Lone Prince demanded to know. "I'd hate to return an iceberg to King Briefs."  
  
Finally, Bulma took his jacket and put it on. "Thank you," she told him quietly, "but aren't you going to be cold?"  
  
"Cold never bothers me, woman."  
  
"Will you stop addressing me as 'woman'?" Bulma asked impatiently. "My name is Bulma, Princess Bulma." Lone Prince said nothing, but a grunt, as Bulma turned from him to search for her home planet.  
  
"I can't find Droolia anywhere," she said worriedly.  
  
"It's right there," Lone Prince told her, pointing to a gleaming blue dot in the sky.  
  
"Where?" Bulma asked, still puzzled.  
  
Lone Prince leaned in closer to her, with his cheek close to hers. He whispered, "See that blue dot, woman, the one that's the same color as your hair? It's right there near the North Star."  
  
Bulma cried out, amazed, "I do see it! But how will we ever get there now?"  
  
"We will, woman. I made a promise that I would get you home, and a prince always keeps his promises."  
  
Bulma looked at him, confused. "Are you really a prince?"  
  
"Of course I am, woman!" Lone Prince declared indignantly. "Do you doubt my word?"  
  
"Well, how many princes ride around in RV's and read porn magazines?" Bulma wanted to know.  
  
"For your information, it is Hurl that reads that garbage!"  
  
"Sorry," Bulma apologized. "But how do you know that you are a prince?"  
  
"I believe that I am," Lone Prince told her. "True, I have no real proof, but I believe that this lapel pin that I wear that bears a strange language that I cannot decipher will surely tell me that I am a prince."  
  
Bulma studied the lapel pin on the jacket carefully. "How do you know that it doesn't say, 'Eat At Joe's' or 'Suck My Toes' or-"  
  
"Are you mocking me, woman?" Lone Prince growled.  
  
"I'm just saying…how can you be so confident that you are royalty?"  
  
"My fighting skills, my handsome looks, and my high intelligence surely prove that I am a prince."  
  
"Where are you from?" Bulma asked him.  
  
"I have no idea of my heritage, woman, not yet anyway. I was left in a trailer park on some remote desolate planet, and neither of my foster parents could tell me what my lapel pin medallion said, but then they couldn't even read an eye chart, let alone my pin. Shortly, after deciding that someone of my intelligence and superiority couldn't possible stay with people whose greatest accomplishment was winning an intergalactic belching competition, so I went away to an intergalactic high school and graduated at the top of my class from Galaxy High, where I met Hurl. I couldn't afford college, and the only way that Hurl could ever get into college was through a sorority party, so we've just started traveling the universe, doing odd jobs and trying to figure out what this medallion of mine says."  
  
Bulma studied the medallion again. "I wish that I could translate this for you, Lone Prince, but I can't. Maybe when we get back to Droolia, my father could surely find someone to help."  
  
Lone Prince said quietly, "I would appreciate it, woman, if he could do so. Anyway, may I ask you something?"  
  
"Ummm…sure."  
  
"Why did you run away from your wedding?"  
  
"Well, if you must know, there was no way that I could love or marry a man who was more interested in the breasts and thighs of KFC than in mine."  
  
Lone Prince chuckled. "His loss, since the breasts and thighs of KFC couldn't even compare to yours."   
  
Bulma felt her cheeks grow warm.  
  
"So, if you didn't want him, woman, why were you going to marry him?"  
  
"Because I am a princess, and he was the only prince within fifty light-years from where I live. After all, a princess must marry a prince."  
  
"And this prince didn't turn you on, huh?"  
  
"No," Bulma replied coolly, "he didn't 'turn me on'." She sighed heavily then. "I am going to have to go back, after all. I should have never run away in the first place. I realize now that love is one jewel that a princess can never have in her crown."  
  
She was breathing a little heavier now, as Lone Prince leaned in closer to her, his warm breath tickling her ear. "You're right woman; there are just some gems in life that a princess can never obtain, and love is one of them." He then began to gently nibble on her earlobe.  
  
"Who needs love anyway?" Bulma declared, barely able to breathe now. "Love is for commoners and fools. All love does is get you into trouble, causing you to lose control, making you become vulnerable."  
  
"You've got that right, woman," Lone Prince breathed, as his lips moved from her earlobe down to the crook of her neck. He began kissing her neck, with his tongue lapping gently against the smooth, soft skin. Bulma's back arched, as Lone Prince's teeth lightly grazed her delicate flesh. "Love just causes you to feel ridiculous emotions and makes you want to sacrifice all for someone, when you're better off taking care of yourself only." His tongue was now dancing in the hollow of her throat.  
  
Bulma said breathlessly, "And love causes you to…get hurt…if you care for the…wrong person." She felt her arms slide around Lone Prince's neck, as Lone Prince continued to kiss and nibble at her throat and neck.  
  
"Yes, woman, you are correct," Lone Prince panted, as his lips trailed a hot, moist trail along her swanlike neck up to her jaw line. He nibbled her chin, as he continued, "And love makes you forget yourself, your own goals, your own ambitions in favor of a bunch of kisses and caresses that will only lead to one thing."  
  
"Yes…yes, one thing," Bulma sighed happily, just before Lone Prince's lips finally went to meet hers. "And that one thing just…" But she could speak no more, as her lips joined Lone Prince's. Their lips were pressed firmly against each other's, as Lone Prince's arms wrapped around her torso. His Saiyan tail also wrapped itself around her waist, pulling her slim body against his. Bulma pressed herself against him, as her arms tightened around his neck. Lone Prince then gently pushed her down to the sandy ground, as they continued to kiss. Still kissing her, Lone Prince helped her out of his leather jacket.  
  
Breaking their passionate kiss temporarily, Bulma helped Lone Prince to take off his white shirt, and she gasped in amazement when she saw that handsome six-pack chest that she had been fantasizing about for a while. His perfectly chiseled chest muscles were firm and hard without a trace of fat on them. Lone Prince brought Bulma's hand to his chest, and her hand rested upon a large nipple. He held onto her hand, as he brought it to caress his manly chest in circles, moving it lower along his abs, heading towards the zipper of his pants.  
  
Bulma would have gladly obliged him further, but then a loud siren-like alarm went off, and a red flashing light blinked on and off repeatedly. Before she and Lone Prince knew it, Chichi Matrix sent a gold-colored frying pan crashing down onto Lone Prince's head. Lone Prince's mouth was opened in shock, as he fell sideways into the sand. He was knocked unconscious fairly quickly.  
  
"CHICHI!" Bulma screamed. "How could you?"  
  
A red, flashing light was now on top of Chichi Matrix's head, and the small screen monitor on her chest read, "VIRGIN ALARM".  
  
Lone Prince awoke again, after a few minutes, and Bulma fell to his side. "Lone Prince, are you okay?" she exclaimed.  
  
Hurl was now awake, and he saw Chichi Matrix put her frying pan back into a chest compartment on her body. She closed the door, and she turned towards Lone Prince's huge partner. "That warning goes for you too, boy!" she hissed.  
  
"What?" Hurl exclaimed.  
  
"I was, woman, until…that psycho woman-robot droid hit me hard!" Lone Prince growled. He then looked towards Chichi Matrix and snarled, "How dare you attack me, robot?"  
  
"How dare you try to make the moves on Bulma?" Chichi Matrix hissed angrily. "This flashing alarm is my Virgin Alarm going off. It's programmed to prevent unnecessary violations." She dashed over to Bulma and felt her over with her metal hands. " Are you okay? What'd he touch? Where'd he touch?"  
  
"Will you relax, Chichi?" Bulma snapped. "I'm a grown woman!"  
  
"Yeah, and apparently Sex Fiend here realized it," Chichi Matrix pointed out sternly. She said icily to Lone Prince, "Listen, Prince Of All Perverts, you get back to bed now, and don't you touch her again, or I'll fix some parts on you, so that they won't work again with any woman!"  
  
"Fine, fine," Lone Prince hissed. "But if you EVER attack me again, droid, I'll turn you into something more useful-like a garbage disposal! Good night!" He crawled into bed and pulled the cover over himself. Bulma gave Chichi Matrix an icy look, before she herself retired for the night. A smugly satisfied Chichi Matrix went to sleep herself, and a puzzled Hurl did as well.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Next morning…  
  
The four travelers were wandering through the desert, with a cascade of drool rolling from Hurl's mouth.   
  
Lone Prince panted, as he trudged through the sands, "Water, water…water."  
  
Hurl breathed heavily, gasping, "Beer, beer…beer."  
  
Chichi Matrix wheezed, "Oil…oil…oil."  
  
Bulma rasped, "Perrier, Perrier…Perrier."  
  
As the day went on, becoming hotter and hotter, Bulma had now fainted, and Lone Prince was carrying her, trying not to look down her dress (too much). A sleepy Chichi Matrix was riding on Hurl's back, with her long, gold legs sticking out at the sides.  
  
Hurl wheezed, "Lone…Prince…can't go on any further…"  
  
"Course…we can…" Lone Prince said, trying to scold the best that he could. "Just…two more dunes…to…go…"  
  
"You…said…that…. twenty dunes back…Prince…" Hurl panted. "Sorry, can't go on…tell my kids that I…love them…" His eyes snapped shut, and then he fell facedown into the burning, blinding sand. Chichi Matrix fell upon him.  
  
"You…don't…have any…kids…" Lone Prince pointed out. "Remember…you…found…out…that they…weren't yours." And then he fainted too, dropping Bulma and falling upon her with his face landing in between her deep cleavage.  
  
The wind blew wildly around them, slowly blanketing them with sand.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Ten minutes later…  
  
"La, la…la, la, la, la, la…la, la, la, la, la…LA!'"  
  
Seven little chubby long-nosed girls dressed in candy-cane pink glittering robes scurried quickly across the sand with leather canteens in their tiny, plump hands. They continued to sing their "la-la" song, as they all encircled four fallen travelers.  
  
A "La-La" girl exclaimed, "La-la?" (Translation: They dead?)  
  
The head "La-La" girl said sharply, "La, la-la! La, la, la, la." (No, dingleberry! Give them water at once!")  
  
And the La-La girls gathered around the strange visitors to the moon of Sega. One La-La girl gave a huge, muscular man with a monkey's tail a long drink from her canteen. Another La-La girl gave a lovely blue-haired woman, dressed in a fancy wedding gown, water from her canteen. And a third La-La girl gave some sips of oil to a golden female robot with thick, black hair while another La-La girl stared admiringly at a short, but well-developed muscular male with wild black hair, as she gave him water.  
  
"La, la," that last girl cooed approvingly. ("I'll take this hunk for myself!")  
  
"LA!" the head La-La girl snapped. "La, la, la, la!" ("No! Take them to our leader!")  
  
As the head La-La girl barked orders in Lalanese, Lone Prince slowly awoke, as he greedily drank his water. "Thank you, little girl!" he panted to the girl who gave him water.  
  
"La, la! La, la, la, la!" (No problem! Will you marry me?)  
  
Hurl awoke, thankful for the water that his La-La girl gave him. "What's going on here?" he asked. "I thought we were doing a parody of 'Spaceballs', not 'Wizard of Oz'?"  
  
The head La-La girl signaled for the travelers, for now they were awake, every one, to rise, and they did, with Lone Prince helping Bulma to her feet. All of them followed the happily singing La-La girls across the desert, with a sweet chorus of "La, la…la, la, la, la, la…la, LA!"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Further away on the moon of Sega…  
  
Dark Horns was staring out of a pair of binoculars, as he hid beneath a safari hat shaped especially to fit over his head and horns perfectly. He, Porto Rico, and Zarbon were sitting in a tan-colored Jeep. He said in his Darth Vader voice, "I don't see them, Zarbon."  
  
"Don't worry, sire. "I've sent the men to Sector Twelve."  
  
"Good; let's make like a dog and shi-"  
  
"SIRE!" Zarbon exclaimed. "That's make like a banana and split!"  
  
"Ah, of-of course…I knew that!" Dark Horns snapped. "Can't I be original once in a while?"  
  
"Absolutely, sire," Zarbon replied. "It wouldn't hurt." Zarbon thought of all the times that Dark Horns had constantly tried to emulate his favorite villains. It was the first time that Zarbon had ever known his master to even attempt to say something that no one else had ever said. Zarbon turned to Porto Rico, who was driving and said, "Prepare to move out."  
  
"I would, Captain, but I don't make enough money to get my own place yet."  
  
"Just prepare to drive, Porto Rico!"  
  
"What the hell is with the preparing?" Dark Horns screamed. "You two are always preparing! Can't you idiots just do something? Just drive, Porto, and drive fast!"  
  
"Yes, sire!"  
  
Dark Horns was sitting, but he wasn't wearing his seat belt. Zarbon became concerned. "Sire, shouldn't you buckle up? Remember what happened the last time-"  
  
Dark Horns flicked Zarbon off. "Buckle this! Now drive-AHHHHH!"  
  
Within seconds, Dark Horns was flung from his car seat from the back, after Porto Rico's vehicle had begun to move forward at top speed. Dark Horns's body flew through the air over Porto Rico's head, over the hood of the vehicle-and kept going and going…and going…  
  
"SOMEONE HELP ME! AHHHHHHHHHH!" Dark Horns's voice was sounding further and further away.  
  
Zarbon sighed, "I knew that we should have rigged this vehicle with one of those devices that prevent the vehicle from turning on, if not everyone is buckled in."  
  
Dark Horn's body was becoming a blinding white dot in the hot, clear desert sky, and his screams were growing more faint.  
  
"This is going to be a long day," Porto Rico groaned.  
  
"And possibly a long chapter," Zarbon added. "Well, they won't kill him off this early, at least."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Beneath the sands of Sega…  
  
The La-La girls led Lone Prince, Bulma, Chichi Matrix, and Hurl to a rocky dune in the sand. The head La-La girl, Lu-Lu, knocked on the front of the sand dune and blew on it. Within seconds the panel of a door was revealed.  
  
"La-la, la" Lu-Lu told the travelers. ("Follow me.")  
  
Lu-Lu knocked her knock to the tune of "Shave And A Haircut…Two Bits", and the door panel arose into the air, as if by magic. When the door had opened, Lu-Lu led her peers and the travelers down through a dark stairwell, heading lower and lower until they reached a large, cavernous room underground. There was a pathway lit up with glowing fiery lanterns leading to an altar, where a huge moss-ridden statue of a fat, witchlike woman with a tall, pointed hat, short, stick-straight hair and a chubby nose. Her arms were crossed, and a wicked smirk crossed her cracked, aged face. She was sitting upon a stone globe with her legs crossed in a lotus position.  
  
Hurl joked, "Look at that witch's face! Talk about the Bride of Buu!"  
  
Lone Prince laughed. "I guess she's never heard of anti-aging cream!"  
  
"ANTI-AGING, MY BUTT! WHO DARES TO MAKE FUN OF ME?" a high-pitched feminine voice screamed from out of nowhere. And after this, smoke began to steam out of the woman statue's nostrils and ears.  
  
Hurl's eyes bulged, and his Saiyan tail stood up in the air, ramrod-straight.  
  
Chichi Matrix shivered in her metal body. Lone Prince, unnerved as usual, decided to take this opportunity to make a pass at Bulma. Bulma was shaking, and Lone Prince wasted no time in wrapping his arms around her slender body from behind.  
  
"I won't let anything let anything happen to you, woman," he assured her smoothly. "You're safe with me."  
  
"WHO DARES TO DISTURB MY REST? WHO DARES TO INTERRUPT MY BEAUTY SLEEP?"  
  
Hurl regained his nerve and cracked, "No amount of sleep's ever going to restore your beauty!"  
  
"Assuming that you've ever had any in the first place," Lone Prince added, pulling Bulma closer to his body.  
  
"I'm scared," Bulma admitted nervously.  
  
"Don't worry, woman, I will protect you. Nothing scares a prince."  
  
"ALRIGHT, YOU WISE GUYS! THAT'S IT! I SHALL DESTROY YOU IN YOUR TRACKS!" And after this voice spoke, the temple began to shake loudly, and the floor began to crack in the middle. Part of the crack wiggled past Lone Prince and Bulma.  
  
"AHHH!" Hurl screamed.  
  
An unusually panicked Lone Prince released Bulma abruptly and jumped into her arms, shaking and clinging to Bulma, like Scooby Doo would cling to Shaggy whenever he was frightened.  
  
"I don't like earthquakes! Make it go away!" Lone Prince wailed, hiding his head in Bulma's shoulder. Bulma looked at him and frowned heavily.  
  
"Yes, Lone Prince, I know that you'll protect me," Bulma muttered sarcastically. "I feel so safe with you."  
  
Lone Prince couldn't look her in her face; he was deeply embarrassed by his own behavior, so he chose to look in a much safer place (as long as Bulma didn't find out)-Bulma's deep cleavage.  
  
Finally, a door in the bottom of the woman statue opened, and a miniature, living image of the huge statue came out, floating on a crystal ball.  
  
"Who dares to wake up BABA, the ever-living, all-wise, psychic, witch, dead-person-bringy-backer, and…leading Fortune Five Million Businesswoman?"  
  
"BABA?" everyone exclaimed, and they all fell to their knees, with Bulma abruptly dropping Lone Prince onto his bottom hard. 


	7. Chapter Seven: Baba The Wise…Guy?

Chapter Seven: Baba The Wise…Guy?  
  
Baba floated on her crystal ball towards her visitors. She grinned cockily and said to the astonished onlookers, "So, you have heard of me, I see?"  
  
"Well, who in the hell hasn't, old woman?" Lone Prince declared angrily, after getting up. He was dusting himself off and glaring at Bulma, who hissed:  
  
"LONE PRINCE! THAT IS BABA THAT YOU ARE ADDRESSING LIKE THAT!"  
  
"That's alright," Baba assured her. "I'll kill him when I get tired of him enough."  
  
"You're Baba the Almighty!" Chichi Matrix shrieked excitedly.  
  
"Baba the incredible, wonderful, exciting…oh, yeah, now I remember you!" Hurl exclaimed. "Umm…sorry about the beauty cracks earlier."  
  
"Yeah, yeah," Baba told him.  
  
"I can't believe it!" Bulma cried. "Baba The Most Successful Businesswoman In The Universe! Your self-help books are well known throughout the galaxies! My father and I have read all of your books, including 'Baba Can Help You Succeed In Intergalactic Business', 'Baba Can Help You Make Millions In Minutes'…."  
  
"Not to mention 'Baba Can Help You Quit Smoking', 'Baba Can Help You Lose Weight', 'Baba Can Help You Take Over The World, Or Even The Universe…" Chichi Matrix babbled.  
  
"And my personal favorite," Hurl interrupted, "was "Baba Can Help You Overcome Your Porn Addiction."  
  
"Which you only read the first few pages of," Lone Prince retorted. "Although, I'll give you credit, Hurl, that was the first piece of literature that I saw you look at that had more words than pictures in a millennium."  
  
"Ah, it's not that big of a deal…oh, well, hell it is!" Baba laughed. "I guess I do deserve all this fuss, especially over my books, but that's not my main thing these days."  
  
"Then what is your main thing?" Bulma asked.  
  
"Well, the fortune-telling business is going slow lately, so I decided to do what my counterpart, Yogi…no, that's Yogurt…did…go into…MERCHANDISING."  
  
"Merchandising?" everyone exclaimed.  
  
"That's right," Baba told them. "Sawnya couldn't afford the merchandising and advertising herself, and since I already have more money than Sawnya is likely to have in a lifetime, I decided to help…and make myself a few extra bucks on the side."  
  
Baba then floated on her crystal ball over to a stony panel in a wall. She barked orders for Lu-Lu to press a button to open it, and Lu-Lu did. The panel slid into the wall, revealing…a gift shop featuring assorted merchandise.  
  
"Amazing!" everyone exclaimed.  
  
"LA-LA!" all the La-La girls cooed happily.  
  
Baba jumped off of her crystal ball and walked over to her counter, where she croaked heartily, "This is where 'Dragonspaceballs' is going to make its money…with shameless merchandising. Just take a look at these novelties! We have Dragonspaceballs-the-Pasta, with cute little noodles made with my face, Bulma's face, Vegeta-I mean Lone Prince's face, and so on and so forth."  
  
She then picked up a colorful black and orange box of "Dragonspaceballs-the-Breakfast-Cereal" that had a picture on the box of Lone Prince and Hurl greedily eating the cereal. ("High in calories, sugar, carbohydrates, no essential vitamins or nutrients, but stays extra crispy in milk, not to mention that the cereal comes with a free crystal ball; that's why the box is bulging.") And then she went on to show them Dragonspaceballs-the-Video-Game, which was available in only all Nintendoä and Segaä versions for now. She also showed them "Dragonspaceballs-the-Home-Pregnancy-Test" ("A picture of Chichi Matrix shows on the tab, if your preggers, and also includes her voice saying, 'That's what you get for ignoring the Virgin Alarm!'"  
  
Bulma and Lone Prince couldn't help laughing at that last one, but Chichi Matrix was seething, with steam coming out of her metal ears.  
  
Baba continued on with products such as "Dragonspaceballs-the-Rogaineä -Rip-off"…that had a picture of Hurl on the box! ("I'll be happy to give Baldy there a free sample.") (Lone Prince had to hold Hurl back from blasting her away.)   
  
"Also," she added, "there are more goodies such as 'Dragonspaceballs-the-Condom.' A man should always protect his own balls. Comes in assorted flavors and textures, now including lambskin."  
  
"I'll take a hundred of those packages!" Lone Prince told her. He winked at Bulma and declared wickedly, "Why don't you help me try them out?"  
  
Before Bulma could respond, Chichi Matrix snapped, "You even think of practicing those things with her, and I'll make sure that you'll never have use for a condom again-because you won't have anything to put a condom on!"  
  
Lone Prince growled at her, as Baba continued on, "And we also have other things, such as Dragonspaceballs-the-Toothbrush, Dragonspaceballs-the-Thong, Dragonspaceballs-the-Vibrator…never mind, that was discontinued…Dragonspaceballs-the-Mousepad, Dragonspaceballs-the-Cola, Dragonspaceballs-the-Ki-Blaster-Gun (the top-selling-item among kids, as well as the leading cause of death among kids under sixteen these days, but they're still selling!) And here is my personal favorite…the first item of my Dragonspaceballs-the-Doll Collection, starting off with yours truly."  
  
She held a cute, squat doll of herself and pulled the pull-string out of her back. The doll croaked, "May the Fartz Be With You."  
  
The La-La girls giggled, as Baba cuddled her doll replica to her ample chest. "Isn't she cute?"  
  
Suddenly Lone Prince remembered something. "I have heard of this Fartz that you speak of. It is the greatest-working magic in the universe, as well as the smelliest, am I correct?"  
  
Baba grinned. "You've got it! And I happen to be the keeper! I even provide free clothespins to those I teach the power of the Fartz to! Would you like to try it out?"  
  
"Hell yes!"  
  
Baba smirked, holding up a ring that glowed-and began to reek of an actual fart. She walked over to Lone Prince, who was holding his widow's peak nose.  
  
"Lu-Lu, pass out the clothespins please," Baba told her Head La-La Girl.  
  
"La-la."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
In President Screw's bedroom (heaven help us)…  
  
In the Screwball President's bedroom were several bodies moving around under a green "Dragonspaceballs-the-Quilt" on an emperor-sized bed the size of half a football field. A light was glowing underneath the thick quilt, and Mary Kate, one of the bodies was giggling.  
  
"Oooh, President, you sure know how to please a girl!"  
  
"Why thank you!"   
  
"Oh, more, President, more please!" Ashley gushed.  
  
"With pleasure!"  
  
"Again, we want you to do that again!" Mary Kate added.  
  
"You just do that so well, President!" Ashley squealed. "I haven't this much fun with an older man in a while!"  
  
President Screw under the covers laughed wickedly, as Ashley and Mary Kate begged for more. Under the quilt, Mary Kate was holding up a flashlight, and she and Ashley were laughing and giggling while President Screw was doing…SHADOW PUPPETS?  
  
Yes, shadow puppets. Strange, but true.  
  
"Make that alligator again!" Ashley cried.  
  
"No, do a bunny!" Mary Kate exclaimed.  
  
"How about a butterfly?" President Screw told them.  
  
"Yes, do a butterfly!"  
  
President Screw formed his large hands into a butterfly shape. He was debating on what to do next when suddenly a sharp female voice cut through the quilt, "PRESIDENT SCREW!"  
  
"Quick, girls, stay down!" President Screw ordered his playmates, as he struggled to get his head out from underneath the covers. Mary Kate and Ashley lay on the bed, flat as possible, as President Screw's head finally popped out from beneath the covers. He swiftly turned on the television.  
  
"Well, hello, Commanderette," President Screw said casually. "Have you watched this fascinating show? It's supposed to be ranked No. 1, according to the Leslie Nielsen ratings this week. Very funny, yet dramatic!"  
  
Commanderette Eighteen, whose beautiful face was now on the teleview wall in President Screw's bedroom looked at the television and muttered sarcastically, "Yes, President, I can see how a show featuring a color test pattern would steal all of the ratings."  
  
President Screw, embarrassed, abruptly flipped the television off. He laughed nervously. "Heh, heh, okay, okay, I was playing shadow puppets! Shadow puppets!"  
  
"Shadow puppets," Commanderette Eighteen said skeptically. "So that's what you're calling your bedroom activities these days. Last time I heard, it was called humping…but anyway, President…I have an urgent message from your son. He's lost the princess."  
  
"Lost the princess?" President Screw screamed. "I can understand losing a sock, or even a condom now and then…Kami knows I've done it a few times…but losing a princess?"  
  
"He lost her somewhere on the sands of Sega," Commanderette Eighteen continued.  
President Screw yelled, "Tell my son and his people to scour the desert! Do you hear me? SCOUR THE DESERT!"  
  
"Yes, sire."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
In the desert sands of Sega…  
  
Dark Horns, Captain Zarbon, and Porto Rico were sitting on top of a giant, twenty-foot-tall pasteboard box that was in the colors of bright orange, yellow, and blue. Porto Rico was trying to read the box cover from where he was sitting.  
  
"S…O…S…" he murmured. "I always thought that SOS meant 'Same Old Shi-"  
  
"Yes, yes, it could mean that, Porto," Captain Zarbon spoke quickly. He turned to Dark Horns, who was choking on the blinding sand particles stirred up in the desert winds. Zarbon coughed repeatedly himself before asking, "Sire, aren't we taking things a bit too literally?"  
  
Dark Horns was holding a bullhorn, and he screamed at Zarbon through it, "No, fool! My father said to scour the desert! We're just following orders! He said scour the desert, so we're going to scour it until it's clean!"  
  
Porto Rico coughed in all the sand blowing around. "Hack! Hack! I-I understand, sire, but did we really have to use scouring pads?"  
  
"Of course, fatso!" Dark Horns exclaimed his bullhorn. "How are we supposed to scour without scouring pads?" He then bellowed through his bullhorn again to a group of soldiers scouring the sands slowly with an SOSä scouring pad, "Find anything yet?"  
  
"No, sire, we haven't!"  
  
Dark Horns then called to a group using a Scotch Briteä pad, "Did you have any luck?"  
  
"No, sire!"  
  
He then called to a lone man, who was using a giant raggedy white t-shirt to scour the sands, "How about you?"  
  
The lone man, who was coated with sand, hissed, "I ain't found jack!"  
  
"How about Jill?" Porto Rico called out, and both Captain Zarbon and Dark Horns cuffed him sharply, avoiding his spikes.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Back at Baba's Temple, the next morning…  
  
At breakfast time, Baba was holding Lone Prince's mysterious lapel pin and studying it intensively. All of them were having "Dragonspaceballs-the-Cereal" along with pancakes made from the "Dragonspaceballs-the-Pancake-And-Waffle-Mix".  
  
Lone Prince commented, as he poured some "Dragonspaceballs-the-Pancake-Syrup" onto a three-feet-tall stack of pancakes, "I've taken it to all the wisest people in the universe that I know of." He swiftly began to gobble down the pancakes starting from the top.  
  
"Ha!" Baba chortled, which voiced her opinion of the so-called "wise men" that Lone Prince had taken his lapel pin too. "Hmm…hack, hock, heck, hork, gag, gag, gag!"  
  
"You can interpret it?" Lone Prince asked hopefully, shoving a giant pancake into his mouth. "What is it saying?"  
  
"Saying? Hack, hack, cough, and cough…oh, you mean the pin? Sorry, I nearly choked on my pancakes. I'm going to have to work more on that pancake mix, but anyway, let me get back to your pin. Hmm…yes, yes, ah…I can read it! I can!"  
  
"What does it say?" Lone Prince asked impatiently.  
  
"Oh…can't say right now, sorry," Baba said casually, and she resumed her eating.  
  
"Why the hell not?"  
  
"Because now, my impatient young man, is not the proper time. You will know what you need to know about it when you need to know about it. Sorry."  
  
"Oh, you'll be sorry, alright, old woman, when I-"  
  
"LONE PRINCE!" Bulma scolded. "I'm sure that Baba will tell you when she deems it necessary. Leave her alone; eat your breakfast."  
  
"I want to know now!" Lone Prince demanded.   
  
"Shut up!" Baba snapped. "Look, I promise that you will know when you need to, okay? Let's go work on your Fartz training. I hope that everyone's done eating."  
  
Everyone was, except for Hurl, who was on his tenth helping of pancakes. They decided not to wait for him, and so Bulma, Chichi Matrix, and Lone Prince followed Baba over to Baba's giant statue. Baba handed Lone Prince her ring, which was a platinum ring with a huge ruby "F" on the crest. Lone Prince slowly slid it onto his empty ring finger. Lu-Lu, who had joined them, quickly passed around the clothespins, and everyone promptly put them on their noses, except for Baba, who was used to the smell.  
  
"Now, Lone Prince," Baba told him. "I want you to lift that statue of me using the power of the Fartz. Point it at that statue."  
  
"Old woman, I don't see how I'm supposed to lift that statue with this itty-bitty ring-"  
  
"NEVER, EVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF THE FARTZ, DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME? NOW DO IT!"  
  
Lone Prince wisely kept his mouth shut after that, as he pointed the ring towards the statue of Baba. He closed his eyes, and the veins in his head bulged. He growled under his breath, trying not to pay any attention to the raucous smell coming from the ring. His face was tight, and his body was tense.  
  
"That's it," Baba told him. "Just concentrate; you can do it."  
  
Finally, after ten tense minutes, the statue of Baba began to levitate off of the stone ground. Lu-Lu squealed with many la-la's at Lone Prince's strength and the power of the Fartz.  
At that same moment, Hurl, who had finished eating after his twelfth helping of pancakes, came towards the statue of Baba, looking for the men's room. His long Saiyan tail was waving in the stagnant air like a rope tossing in the wind. He then saw a penny on the ground, and he bent down to pick it up. His tail slid underneath the statue of Baba.  
  
"Hey, Lone Prince!" Hurl called. "I found a lucky penny-hey, how were you able to lift that statue? I didn't even notice until now! Man, that's incredible! How did you-"  
  
At that moment Lone Prince lost his concentration and the statue of Baba came crashing down onto poor Hurl's tail.   
  
"OWWWWWWWWW!!" Hurl screamed in pure pain and terror. "Ow, ow, ow. OW! WOW! OHHHHHH!! OW!! HELP!!"  
  
Lone Prince was horrified, as Baba swiftly yanked the ring off of his finger. "Quick, outta my way!" she commanded, seeing Hurl's pain.  
  
"Hurl, hold on!" Lone Prince cried.  
  
Baba slid the ring onto her ring finger quickly and cried, "Uppa, uppa, uppahurry, uppanowie! UP!"  
  
The statue of Baba quickly arose off of the ground, and poor Hurl rapidly pulled his tail out from underneath the statue. Hurl was crying, tears flowing freely down his chiseled face, as he looked at his tail, which was now flat-and was now expanded three feet wider than before. His monkey's tail now resembled a beaver's tail.  
  
"OH! Oh, ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, oh, oh," Hurl sobbed.  
  
"Hurl, are you alright?" Bulma asked.  
  
"Don't knoooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwww!" Hurl wailed, as Bulma swiftly pulled out a capsule from her Prada bag. She rushed over to Hurl's tail and began to dab some healing liquid on it. She blew on his tail easily, and slowly the pain in Hurl's tail began to ease, although it was still very flat.  
  
"Hurl, are you okay?" Lone Prince asked.  
  
"I-I think…ohhhhhh!" Hurl groaned.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Later that night in Bulma and Chichi Matrix's bedroom…  
  
Baba had given Bulma and Chichi Matrix a very nice bedroom with two twin beds "fit for a princess", that had each had pink silk bedcovers on them with ruffles. The mattresses were soft and molded themselves perfectly to their bodies, and the comforters were goose-down.  
  
Bulma was almost asleep when she smelled a familiar manly scent close to her. She sat up abruptly, as she found Lone Prince tenderly stroking her hair and cheek. Chichi Matrix was in sleep mode.   
  
"So very beautiful…" he murmured, bending over to kiss her lightly on her forehead. She had just bathed, and she smelled like roses, a scent that was making all of his Saiyan hormones go into overdrive.  
  
"Shhh…" Bulma admonished him, although she was enjoying his attention. Lone Prince bent down to kiss her gently on her lips, and Bulma obliged him by kissing back. She wrapped her arms around his neck, as Lone Prince climbed onto the bed next to her. His lips kissed a slow trail down to her creamy throat, tickling her tender flesh with his tongue.  
  
"Lone Prince…" she murmured. "We…can't do this…"  
  
"Why not?" he whispered.  
  
"We just can't."  
  
Lone Prince sighed heavily. "Woman, I really do want you…it's been a long time since I've found anyone whom I find so attractive, so desirable. I don't understand why we can't just do what we're meant to do together."  
  
Bulma then smiled.  
  
"So seriously, woman, why not?"  
  
Bulma chuckled, and then she whispered, as her lips met Lone Prince's, "I have to disable Chichi's 'Virgin Alarm' function first."  
  
"You can do that?" Lone Prince whispered hopefully, as he began to kiss her repeatedly. "And then can we…"  
  
"Yes, yes," Bulma whispered fervently. "If you can control yourself for ten minutes, I can fix that little annoying feature that Father had insisted on putting in her. Do you think you and your little friend between your legs can hold out for that long?"  
  
Lone Prince didn't think so, but he and his "little friend" knew that it was the only to get what they wanted. "Of course, woman, but hurry."  
  
Bulma kissed him softly, and Lone Prince helped her out of bed. The blue-haired princess then slyly reached into her nightstand drawer to pull out her toolbox, and then she crept over to Chichi Matrix's bed, where she opened the panel in Chichi's back.  
  
Lone Prince sat on the edge of Bulma's bed, and he grinned, pulling out a box of "Dragonspaceballs-the-Condoms". He chuckled.  
  
"If these little rubbers work, I'll be more than happy to be the spokesman for these things," he whispered to himself, as Bulma continued to "operate" on Chichi.  
  
  
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A/N: Ah, shall I do a lemon? It takes me so much nerve to get up to writing these things, and I've only done it once really (if any of my "Chestra" readers remember--the famous CHAPTER FOURTEEN). Will Lone Prince and Bulma go through with it, or will something (or someone) interrupt them once more? Find out next chapter! And wish me luck, if I do decide to do one. 


	8. Chapter Eight: Paradise Found And Lost

A/N: Okay, this is the more clean-cut version of Ch. 8, with some of the lovemaking removed. This was originally more of a lemon chapter, but I pared it down to lime. If you eighteen or older, and you want the unedited version, you can ask me for it at mtsawnya@aol.com  
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Chapter Eight: Paradise Found And Lost  
  
Twenty minutes later…  
  
Lone Prince, wrapped in a navy blue robe, carried a barefoot, scantily clad Bulma in his arms down the hall to a private guestroom that he had discovered when he and Nappa had been snooping around Baba's home earlier. Lone Prince was nibbling on Bulma's collarbone, as she sighed contentedly. His tail was already rubbing itself along the silken flesh under her thigh, for Bulma's nightgown was hiked up to her waist.  
  
Finally they entered the private guestroom, which held a huge brass bed covered with white and cream-colored silk sheets and bedspreads. In the darkness, while easily holding Bulma in one arm, Lone Prince strolled over to the bed and casually folded back the covers with one strong hand; the light from the hallway was the only light. Gently he laid Bulma down onto the bed and sat down beside her, as he peeled off his robe and his white cotton undershirt. He then swiftly kicked off his boots, pulled off his socks, and then he leaned over and turned on the lamp, which happened to be a three-way. He then turned it down onto the lowest setting possible, making the room very dim.   
  
Lone Prince then pulled Bulma against his body, and he began to nuzzle her creamy throat, lapping his tongue along the soft flesh. "Lone…Prince…" Bulma murmured, as her body began to tremble.  
  
"Nervous?" Lone Prince asked with a light chuckle.  
  
"A little," Bulma admitted to him. "I've never done this before."  
  
"You'll enjoy being with me, I promise," Lone Prince assured her confidently, as he laid her back down beneath his muscular body. His lips traveled up from her throat to her soft, pliable lips. He kissed her gently at first, as Bulma slid her arms around his neck. She kissed him fervently in return, as he slowly slid his tongue inside her mouth. His tongue caressed hers slowly, massaging it, as Bulma's back arched, pressing herself against him. Lone Prince settled himself further upon her, letting her feel all of him.   
  
Lone Prince wrapped his arms around her body tighter, as his tail slid up around her leg, slowly caressing her left thigh.  
  
"My tail is very fond of you," Lone Prince purred against her lips, as his tail gently massaged her thigh and then slid further down to her knee.  
  
"Tell it the feeling is mutual," Bulma sighed happily, enjoying the soft velvety feel of Lone Prince's appendage slithering around her leg.   
  
Lone Prince's lips trailed small, warm kisses down from her lips, along her chin, down to her throat once more. He then kissed her throat for the longest time, with his tongue lapping softly against the throbbing there. He pulled her back up against him, as he lay on top of her, enjoying the feel of her body against his.  
  
Meanwhile, Bulma's palm continued to explore Lone Prince's chest. She then lightly, slowly, slid her palm along his impressive, six-pack chest, loving the feel of every hardened bulge beneath her fingers. She began to caress his chest in slow massaging circles while Lone Prince inadvertently sighed with pleasure. He then pulled back from her, as he sat in her lap.  
  
"Woman," Lone Prince whispered. "May I see more of you?"  
  
Bulma hesitated for just a moment, for she had never shown her naked body to anyone before, but then she nodded slowly. Lone Prince inched further off of her lap, and then he raised himself up, kneeling above her with his knees spread apart. Bulma raised her arms, waiting for Lone Prince to undress her. Gracefully, quickly, Lone Prince slipped her lacy pale pink nightgown off and tossed it casually to the floor. Bulma wore nothing underneath except for a pair of pale pink lacy bikini underwear.  
  
"Now," Lone Prince said wickedly, "we can really have some fun." He wasted no time then in undressing himself, and when he was done, he pulled Bulma even closer to him. He loved the feel of her soft skin and body pressed against his own. She felt so good against him; they seemed to fit perfectly together.   
  
With any remaining inhibitions and fears fading away, Bulma gave herself into Lone Prince's care, feeling certain that he would never do anything to hurt her, not now...  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A couple of hours later...  
  
Her first time with Lone Prince had been everything that she had hoped it would be. Lone Prince was very passionate, somewhat aggressive, but he had been gentle and patient with her. Bulma smiled to herself, as she tightened her arms around Lone Prince's neck.  
  
Lone Prince settled himself on top of her and kissed her gently, wrapping his arms around her body. His tail wrapped itself around her waist, as Bulma wound her arms around his neck tighter. She burrowed her face into his throat.  
  
"How did you like that?" Lone Prince asked her after a few quiet moments of cuddling.  
  
"Very, very much," Bulma murmured. "So glad…you were…my first…thank you."  
  
Lone Prince said determinedly, possessively, "I was your first…and I will be your last." He knew that he had coupled with her a bit soon after meeting her, but it had been a long time, if ever, that a woman had stirred him the way that Bulma had.  
  
And in his eyes, she didn't seem to have any regrets. Not yet, anyway.   
  
"Yes," Bulma whispered against his lips, "...my last…"  
  
He and Bulma then began to fall asleep in each other's arms, holding each other close.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
At almost the same time…  
  
Dark Horns was bossing around Porto Rico while Captain Zarbon was searching for the door to the secret lair of Baba. He could not find the entrance at all.  
  
"Sire," Captain Zarbon stated, "We may as well give up sir. At this point, we'd have an easier time finding the lost city of Atlantis. We've searched everywhere. Should we go home now, sire?"  
  
"GO HOME?" Dark Horns raged. "Are you crazy?" He then took off his helmet to breathe easier for a few moments. "Do you KNOW what my father would do to me, if we gave up now? Why should we leave now, Zarbon-just when I feel the power-and smell the smell of the Fartz?" He made a face at the familiar foul odor.  
  
"The Fartz?" Captain Zarbon inquired. He then began to wrinkle his nose at the smell.   
  
"Ugh, sire! You are right!" Porto Rico gagged and covered his nose.  
  
Dark Horns pulled out his ring, as Captain Zarbon and Porto Rico instinctively covered their crotches. "I'm not going to blast you two idiots!" he fumed. "Now where did I sense and smell that Fartz…"  
  
Dark Horns inched closer to a sandy wall. He brushed his tail against the wall, shouting gleefully. "Yes, I can sense and smell the Fartz here! There's a secret entrance here! Look!" He began to brush away the sand off of the wall to reveal a tall trapezoid-shaped door. When he finished dusting off the door, he found the insignia of a huge B.  
  
"Baba!" he roared. "I HATE BABA! Her stupid book did not help my father or me overcome our porn addiction at all! I tried to get our money back, but I never got a response from her company! And her crappy Dragonspaceballs condoms don't always work! I used those cheap things when I slept with Princess Allura that time we took her hostage, and…oh, never mind…well take a lesson from me, men, and always use good condoms, or you'll wind up having half of your inheritances deducted for child support!"  
  
"Yes, sire!" both subordinates agreed.   
  
"Shall I call the attack squad, sire?" Captain Zarbon asked.  
  
"No, they cannot go in there. In fact, we can't either. The Fartz is too powerful."  
  
"But don't you have the Fartz too, sire?"  
  
"Yes, but he has the good side, and I have the bad side. There's two sides to every Fartz," Dark Horns pointed out, as he caressed his Fartz ring.  
  
"Umm…sire, how are we going to go in there and get her?" Porto Rico wanted to know.  
  
Dark Horns pulled down his mask, and he said in his best Darth Vader voice, "We won't be going in there, Porto; she will come out to us." He then rubbed his fingertips in imitation of Montgomery Burns. "Excellent."  
  
Captain Zarbon and Porto Rico fell over backwards into the sand, and when Porto Rico's heavy body landed, the entire ground shook for a few moments.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Two hours late in the guestroom…  
  
It is very rare that paradise can last for long. Bulma was asleep in Lone Prince's arms when she heard a familiar voice calling for her from faraway, as if coming from outside:  
  
"Bulma! Bulma, darling! Where are you?"  
  
Bulma shot up in bed, until she was sitting up straight. "I'm here, Daddy!" she cried, recognizing the voice of King Briefs.  
  
"Come to me, sweetheart. I'm waiting outside for you!"  
  
"Daddy, is it really you?" Bulma asked.  
  
"Of course, my dear, of course! I have been searching everywhere for you! Come to me!"  
  
"Wait a moment, Daddy!" Bulma called out in the darkness. "I don't want to wake up Lone Prince…you see, we were…um, talking, and he fell asleep. But I'll be right out!"  
  
Lone Prince's arms around her slender body were tight, and his tail wrapped around her waist was tighter. Bulma gently tried to ease herself out of his arms, but Lone Prince's arms and tail tightened further, as if trying to prevent her from leaving.  
  
"No, woman…" Lone Prince murmured in his sleep. "Don't leave me, don't…"  
  
Bulma kissed him softly on his forehead. "I'll be back in a few minutes, I promise, okay? My father is here."  
  
"Uhhh…huhhh…" Lone Prince moaned. "Woman, I…" But before he could say another word, he was sound asleep once more. Bulma kissed him on his cheek and whispered an assurance that she would be back soon. She tenderly unwrapped his tail and his arms from around her body, and she quickly crawled out of bed before Lone Prince could seize her again.  
  
Lone Prince sat up in bed suddenly, still asleep, calling, "Woman, you'll come back like you said, right?" He could have sworn to himself that Bulma was leaving, but then he could be dreaming.  
  
"Yes, I promise," Bulma told him, blowing him a kiss.  
  
"Good enough for me," Lone Prince mumbled, and then he collapsed against his pillow, deep asleep once more.  
  
She then slid on Lone Prince's dark robe, having forgotten hers, and she hurried to her and Chichi's room for a pair of slippers. Chichi was still in sleep mode, and she would be for another few hours, if Bulma had programmed her correctly. Bulma hurriedly slipped on a pair of pink, feathery house slippers that she had retrieved when she opened one of her capsules containing her overnight equipment. She then scurried out of her and Chichi's room and stumbled through the darkly lit corridors and halls until she reached the entrance that she and her friends had entered Baba's home before.  
  
She pressed a red button on the panel next to the sliding door, and the door opened up. She then walked out into the chilly desert night. "Here I come, Daddy!" she called.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Back in the guestroom…  
  
Lone Prince awoke for just a few moments, as he felt around for Bulma's body. "Woman…you are coming back, aren't you?"  
  
She had promised she would.   
  
She had to come back; she had to.  
  
Lone Prince fell back asleep again, wanting to believe that Bulma would return soon.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Three hours later…  
  
"LONE PRINCE!"  
  
Lone Prince shot up from his bed, as the frantic Chichi Matrix entered the room. "What is it, droid?"  
  
"Bulma is missing!" Chichi Matrix shrieked. If she could cry, she would have, but most droids on her planet were not programmed to shed tears. She could only sniffle and sob.  
  
The La-La girls scurried into the room. "LALALALALALALALALA!"  
  
"What are they saying?" Lone Prince demanded to know.  
  
Baba came floating into her room at that moment on her crystal ball. "They've taken the princess. That's what they're saying! Dark Horns and his cronies stole your princess!" She then slid off of her crystal ball.  
  
Baba waved her hands over her crystal ball, just as Hurl came hurrying in. He, Lone Prince, and Chichi Matrix gathered around Baba, as she waved her hand over the crystal ball and chanted some magic words. The La-La girls clustered around them.  
  
Baba's eyes widened, as a vision on her crystal ball came up. "There she is!" In the crystal ball, she and everyone else could see Dark Horns carrying an unconscious Bulma over his shoulder, as he, Captain Zarbon, and Porto Rico were boarding their ship. Lone Prince clenched his fists and growled in fury when he noticed a thin trail of blood trickling down Bulma's hair.  
  
"That bastard knocked her out!" Lone Prince fumed.   
  
"Why would she go out there this time of night?" Hurl asked.  
  
He received his answer soon enough when in the glass globe, Dark Horns was seen talking to the others. Dark Horns was saying, "Haha! I knew imitating King Briefs's voice would bring her to me, and I also knew that film projection of him would do the trick! And you all thought that my lessons in ventriloquism and mimicking the voices of others were a stupid waste of time!   
Well, I showed all of you tonight! Now the princess is mine, hahahahaha!"  
  
"Well done, sire," Captain Zarbon was saying.  
  
"Gotta give you credit," Porto Rico agreed.  
  
The image in the crystal ball began to fade, as Lone Prince furiously punched the wall, leaving a hole almost half a foot deep. "The bastards took my woman! I'll kill them!"  
  
"Calm down, Lone Prince," Baba told him. "They're not going to hurt her yet; she's too valuable right now."  
  
Of course Lone Prince didn't listen to her, but then when did a Saiyan ever listen to the phrase 'calm down'?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A few hours later into the next morning…  
  
"Thanks for the gas, Baba," Hurl told her, as he, Lone Prince, and Chichi Matrix boarded the Capsulebago.  
  
"No prob, and here's something that might cheer Lone Prince up later." Perched upon her crystal ball, Baba easily tossed a can to Lone Prince, who just as easily caught it. The can was decorated with pictures of nuts and the label said, "ALL NUTZ!"  
  
"Thanks, wom-I mean, Baba!" Lone Prince told her.  
  
"No prob," Baba told him. "Um, make you sure you empty all the contents before eating any of them!"  
  
"Sure, whatever," Lone Prince told her nonchalantly, as his thoughts were focused on saving Bulma. He climbed into the driver's seat of the Capsulebago. "Well, we better get going," he told Baba, as he shut the front door. Before he started to roll up the window, he said, "I wonder if we will ever see each other again."  
  
"Sawnya be willing…" Baba told him, "…that we'll all meet again in Dragonspaceballs II: The Search For More Cheap Gags And Worthwhile Storylines. Goodbye, Lone Prince." She then floated over to him on her crystal ball and handed him her Fartz ring through the crack of his driver's side window. "Here take this."  
  
"I can't take your Fartz ring, as much as I would like to," Lone Prince protested.  
  
"I insist," Baba told him firmly. "You may need it…in fact, I know that you'll need it, especially dealing with that gay lizard and his porno-obsessed father."  
  
Lone Prince chuckled. "Well, in that case, thank you. Wish me luck! Goodbye!" And with that, he rolled up the window. Baba and the La-La girls who were with her cheerfully waved bye and wished him luck, as the Capsulebago launched itself into the sky, headed towards space.  
  
  
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A/N: Well, Lone Prince and Co. are off to rescue Bulma. What horrors will Bulma endure under Dark Horns's captivity? Will she wind up losing something precious...something that could possibly affect her for the rest of her life? Stay tuned! 


	9. Chapter Nine: The Greatest Threat To Bul...

Chapter Nine: The Greatest Threat To Bulma Imaginable  
  
A few days later in Dark Horns's office…  
  
"I don't care what my father says, Princess Bulma! I am making you my woman!"  
  
"No, you bastard! Let me go! Lone Prince will kill you!"  
  
"Let him try! AHAHAHAHAHA! Come to Dark Horns, my blue-haired beauty!"  
  
"No, no, let me go!"  
  
"Gimme a kiss, little girl!"  
  
"I said NO!"  
  
"You know that you want to!" Dark Horns made kissing noises.  
  
"No, no, I said!"  
  
"Yes!"   
  
"No!"   
  
"Yes!"  
  
"No!"  
  
"I want you and I will have you!"  
  
"Get away from me, you two-horned freak!"  
  
"Freaks can be fun in bed, little girl…now, why don't you let me show you!" Dark Horns pulled his captive up to his face and kissed her hard, wrapping his tail around her.  
  
"Stop, no, stop, let me go!"  
  
"You know that you want this!" Dark Horns began to nuzzle her neck and kiss it.  
  
"No, no, I hate you, I really hate you! I don't want you…or do I?"  
  
"You do! You do!" Dark Horns insisted, kissing some more.  
  
"I hate you, no wait, I just…dislike you, yes that's it…no, wait it's not even that…I think that I might slightly like you…but not really care…no, no, stop that! Okay, I'll admit it! I'm enjoying this!"  
  
"I knew that you would!"  
  
"Yes, I am! Oh, you certainly know how to make me feel good, Dark Horns! Oh, I just imagine what life would be like with you…"  
  
"Of course you can. Droolian princesses are attracted to wealth, power, and full access to satellite television and intergalacticnet, and I have all three! Now come to Daddy!"  
  
"Oh, yes, yes! I don't even know what I saw in Lone Prince!"  
  
"I don't either, but that's alright; I didn't get it right the first time either…gimme another kiss!"  
  
"Okay, I will! Pucker up!"  
  
"SIRE!"  
  
"SIRE!"  
  
Dark Horns abruptly threw his new partner behind his desk, brushed himself off, and stormed over to his doorway, which he had foolishly left over. "Zarbon! Porto Rico! How dare you two interrupt me?" he roared.  
  
"I apologize, sire!" Zarbon stammered.  
  
"And so do I!" Porto Rico cried.  
  
"How long have you two been standing there?" Dark Horns yelled.  
  
"Not long."  
  
"Not long at all, sire."  
  
Dark Horns became unexpectedly frantic. "How much did you two see and hear?" he screamed, with his eyes bulging and sweat raining down his face.  
  
Captain Zarbon held up his hands in protest. "Nothing, sire! Nothing for you to worry about!"  
  
"You can relax, sire!" Porto Rico insisted, backing away. "We did not see you making out with your life-size, interactive, talking Princess Bulma doll again!"  
  
"Good for you two that you didn't!" Dark Horns said authoritatively, much calmer now. "Now both of you get out of here! I have some…personal matters to attend to before I go see my father!"  
  
"Yes, sire!" both Captain Zarbon and Porto Rico agreed. Before they disappeared down the hallway, Captain Zarbon was heard saying, "Porto, we really need to find him a girlfriend…"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
In President Screw's private bathroom…  
  
"Ah, I knew that I'd take care of those turds sooner or later! I feel so much better now!" President Screw sighed contentedly, as he flushed the toilet. He stood up and began to preen in the mirror before pulling up his pants again. He gave the wall in front of him a full frontal view, just as a familiar annoying voice popped up:  
  
"President Screw!"  
  
President Screw abruptly covered his crotch. He hissed at the smirking face of Commanderette Eighteen, who was on the teleview wall behind his toilet. "I could have sworn that I had wall block put in here! How did you get access to it anyway?"  
  
Commanderette Eighteen grinned. "I have my connections…the main one involving a cute, no-nose bald-headed young man, if you know what I mean! Anyway, they finally got around to bringing Princess Bulma to your office, President. Dark Horns and his buddies are waiting for you there."  
  
"About blasted time!" President Screw fumed. "Now tell my boy and his pansy pals that I'll be right there!"  
  
"Yes, President Screw, sir!" Commanderette Eighteen said and saluted.  
  
President Screw saluted back, and Commanderette Eighteen chuckled before her face faded from the teleview mirror. "Nice view, eh, President…"  
  
President Screw wished at that moment that he were small enough to flush himself down the toilet.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
President Screw's office…  
  
President Screw's office's had mahogany furniture, crown molding, and all the fancy amenities that a extravagant womanizing man would have…including the framed nude Playchangeling centerfolds on the walls.  
  
And on the one non-nudity wall was a huge teleview screen…showing the frantic face of poor King Briefs, who had just been informed of his beloved daughter's new whereabouts. Tears were streaming down the old man's face.  
  
And on a surgical table that had been turned up vertically, was poor Princess Bulma, who was now dressed in a white surgical gown and with her limbs and neck all strapped down. Tears were streaming down her face as well; she had not been harmed physically other than Dark Horns knocking her out, but she had heard Dark Horns talking with some associates about what her future fate would be if King Briefs did not do what Dark Horns and his father wanted.  
  
King Briefs was shouting at Dark Horns, "Dark Horns, you bastard! What are you going to do to my daughter?"  
  
Dark Horns chuckled. "Allow me to introduce my friend here…" He pointed to a short, man with long white hair who was bald on top except for a clear plastic dome showing his cranium. "His name is Dr. Gero, the greatest boob-job man in the galaxy…and New York City and Satan City."  
  
Dr. Gero saluted King Briefs. "Hello, Your Highness!"  
  
A nurse was cuddling up against Dr. Gero…a younger girl who was the spitting image of Bulma herself. She could almost be mistaken for Bulma, as long as she didn't speak, because the moment that she spoke, everyone immediately knew that she wasn't the brainy captive. Nurse Maron, Dr. Gero's current lover, was not the brightest star in the galaxy, and the only reason that she had graduated from nursing school at all was because she had slept with the school's president and two of her professors.  
  
Dr. Gero's assistant, Nineteen, was only semi-smarter than his boss's lover. He was huge, squat, and fat with a face resembling that of a painted Chinese clown. He wore a small helmet with a huge spike on his round head. He too saluted King Briefs.  
  
King Briefs cried, "What boob-job! She's already had a boob job! In fact, she received it as a high-school graduation present!"  
Dark Horns laughed. "Oh, it's much worse than you think, King Briefs! You see, Your Majesty, if you do not allow us access to your planet and give us the password for the Dragonspaceballs, Dr. Gero here will give your daughter back…her old chest!"  
  
Dr. Gero chuckled, as he held up an old picture of a flat-chested Bulma. Bulma saw the picture and screamed in terror.  
  
"NO! Where did you all get that picture! I ordered all those pictures destroyed the moment that my breasts healed! No!" She burst into tears. She had been so proud of her bountiful bosom, especially during her lovemaking with Lone Prince.   
  
"All right!" King Briefs cried. "I'll tell! I'll tell!"  
  
"No, Daddy, please don't!" Bulma begged her father. "My chest isn't worth all that!"  
  
"You're right, my dear," King Briefs told his daughter calmly. "The potential fate of our planet and the protection of the Dragonspaceballs does make your breasts seem small…um, oops that didn't come out right…sorry, my dear…"  
  
Dark Horns turned to Dr. Gero. "Alright, Gero, do you worst!"  
  
"With pleasure!" Dr. Gero laughed, as he held up his scalpel towards Bulma's plentiful bosom. Bulma screamed at the sight of the scalpel and fainted, as Nineteen lowered the surgical table.  
  
"No!" King Briefs screamed. "Wait! I'll tell you the password! I will! And I will let all of you onto the planet to get the Dragonspaceballs!"  
  
"Good!" Dark Horns said happily. "Smart move, old man. He moved closer to the teleview screen, as a disappointed Dr. Gero began to put his surgical tools away. "Okay, King, give it to me, so I can write it down."  
  
King Briefs said tearfully, "The password is actually part of an old popular song. The first part of the song is 'A'."  
  
"'A'," Dark Horns repeated, writing it down.  
  
Porto Rico began to dance and bounce up and down like a cheerleader. He was wearing a jogging outfit, so his unnaturally large breasts jumped up and down with him. "You've got your 'A', you've got your 'A'!" he cheered.  
  
"'B'."  
  
Dark Horns wrote that down too, as Porto Rico chanted, "You've got you 'B', you've got your 'B'!"  
  
"'C'."  
  
"You've got your 'C', you've got your 'C'!"  
  
"'D'."  
  
"You've got your 'D', you've got your 'D'!"  
  
"'E'."  
  
"You've got your 'E', you've got your-"  
  
"SHUT UP, PORTO!" both Dark Horns and Captain Zarbon yelled.  
  
"Yes, guys." A saddened Porto Rico hung his head down.  
  
"'F'…and 'G'."  
  
There was silence after Dark Horns wrote the 'G'. "Okay?" Dark Horns asked seriously.  
  
"That's it," King Briefs said sadly.  
  
"So the password is 'A, B, C, D, E, F, G'?" Dark Horns asked incredulously. He then fumed, "That's the dumbest password I've ever heard of in my life! That's the sort of password a moron would have for his or her email account!"  
  
"That's my password for my email account!" Maron chirped brightly.  
  
Zarbon whispered to Porto Rico, "Sustained."  
  
"Very good, King," Captain Zarbon said. "Thank you, Your Majesty." He then pulled out a remote and clicked a button…  
  
THE END  
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A/N: Well, everyone I sure hoped that you enjoyed this story! Thank you all so much for reading! I truly enjoyed writing this…hey, wait a minute! The story's not over yet! Who ended my story? I wasn't planning on ending it this way…who ended it? I demand to know…  
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INTERLUDE  
  
"The end?" Dark Horns hissed, as Dr. Gero could be heard moaning and groaning passionately, "What did you do?"  
  
"Why, I ended communication with King Briefs, sire," Captain Zarbon said.  
  
"No, you didn't, you idiot! You ended the fanfiction! You ended Sawnya's story! She's not allowed to stop writing it yet! I still have to have my great battle with Lone Prince and wind up in bed with the heroine…and save the day…and…"  
  
"Sire, I don't think Sawnya will end the story that way," Captain Zarbon told him.  
  
Dark Horns sulked, but then he said, "Oh, fine, you're right! Curse that Sawnya! Well, anyway, turn the story back on, Zarbon! Turn it on! Start the story again!"  
  
"Are you sure, sire? I think the story ended so nicely where it did," Zarbon said, as Dr. Gero cried out, "Oh, yes, baby, give Daddy some lovin'!"  
  
"Yes!" Dark Horns screamed. "Hurry up before Sawnya is forced to write a disgusting Dr. Gero/Maron lemon!"  
  
"Yes, yes, sire!" Captain Zarbon cried, swiftly pressing the button on the remote….  
  
END OF INTERLUDE. NOW BACK TO YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED FANFICTION!  
  
A/N: Thank you, God!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The story begins again.  
  
Dr. Gero was stroking Maron's clothed bosom while Maron was stroking his…(well, we won't go into that; everyone gets the picture). Anyway, Dr. Gero hurriedly zipped up his pants while Maron discreetly tucked her previously occupied hand behind her back.  
  
"Well the story continues," Dark Horns said with some relief. "And we have the password, dumb as it is." He turned to a happily satiated Dr. Gero and said, "Gero, you're dismissed. Go back to your lab and work on your dolls some more."  
  
"Androids," Dr. Gero corrected.  
  
"Whatever."  
  
Dr. Gero sighed, "Well, come on, Maron, Nineteen, let's go." Maron and Nineteen began to pack up their things. He said to Dark Horns, just as they were leaving, "Of course, you know, sire, that I'll still have to bill you for this..."  
  
Maron, who was the last one to leave, smiled seductively, as she winked at Dark Horns and the other men. Dark Horns winked back at her before she turned her face away again and left. He chuckled to Captain Zarbon and Porto Rico. "I bet she gives great horn!"  
  
"Dr. Gero would know that," Captain Zarbon said slyly.  
  
President Screw hurried in at that moment, his horns scraping against the ceiling. "Did we get the password?"  
  
"Yes, Father!" Dark Horns said proudly. "The password is 'A', 'B', 'C', 'D', 'E', 'F', and 'G'."  
  
"What a coincidence!" President Screw cried aloud. "That's my email account password! Prepare Screwball 1000 for immediate departure to planet Droolia!"  
  
"Now you and I can become immortal!" President Screw shouted happily to his son. He patted Dark Horns on his back. "Wonderful job, my son! And one last thing…"  
  
"What's that, Father?"  
  
"Change my password on my email account."  
  
Dark Horns grinned devilishly. "Oh, yes, Father, I will…" He rubbed his fingertips in imitation of Montgomery Burns. "Excellent…"  
  
Captain Zarbon and Porto Rico began making plans to kill the creators of "Simpsons".  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
A/N: Very short, I know, but I will make it up. Hope you are still enjoying this! Hey, I'm thinking of having those who reviewed so far have cameo parts in future chapters of this story, so stay tuned! 


	10. Chapter Ten: Chemical Warfare

Chapter Ten: Chemical Warfare  
  
Capsulebago…  
  
"Are we there yet?"  
  
"No, Hurl, not yet."  
  
Ten minutes passed quickly. "Now are we there yet?"  
  
"No, not yet, Hurl!"  
  
Twenty more minutes went by. "So, are we there now?"  
  
"Hell, no!"  
  
And yet another twenty minutes passed. "Now, are we there yet?"  
  
"Hurl, shut up before I force Sawnya to kill you off early!"  
  
"I'm going to die?"  
  
"If you don't stop bugging me, yes! For the last time, Hurl, you will have to wait until we get to planet Screwball to use the restroom! It's not my fault that you clogged the toilet on our ship the last time that you used it!" Lone Prince fumed.   
  
"I can't help it, Prince, I really have to go!" Hurl cried, clutching his stomach.  
  
"Well, if someone hadn't eaten the last of the jalapeno popcorn chicken without leaving his best friend some, it wouldn't have happened! And did you really have to consume the last of the four-alarm chili as well? Look, you fool, we're landing on Screwball now, right in Screwball City! You can relieve yourself then!"  
  
The Capsulebago began to land in a prime parking spot right in front of the Screwball City Prison, which would have been fine, except that…  
  
"Hey, buddy!" a prison guard, who was dressed in a purple-and-white space cadet uniform with a helmet, yelled. His uniform hid his entire body, so it was impossible to tell what species he was descended from. "You're parked in a handicapped space!"  
  
Lone Prince heard him through the closed window, as he pressed a button to lower the driver's side window. He smirked at the agitated guard. "Handicapped space, eh? Well, we're not breaking any laws. My friend, Hurl, is very much handicapped in the head, if you notice."  
  
Standing up in front of his seat, Hurl was marching up and down nervously like a marching band member on cocaine; his movements were frantic and jerky, for his full bladder added to his agony, which was being increased every second with his crippling stomach cramps. Sweat was racing down his face.  
  
"Hut-two-three-four! Hut-two-three-four!" Hurl panted anxiously, as he continued to march in order to prevent himself from going in his pants.  
  
The guard looked strangely at Hurl and then turned back to Lone Prince. "Hmm…I see what you mean. Very well, I suppose you two belong here; at least your friend does."  
  
"Do you have a public restroom?" Lone Prince inquired.  
  
"Why, yes we do," the guard told him. "But first I want to see some identification. I have to ensure that you two are legally allowed on this planet."  
  
"Ohhhhhh! Someone kill me!" Hurl wailed.  
  
Lone Prince, seeing that Hurl in his agony would be of no use at this moment, decided to reach over and search the glove compartment himself. When he opened the glove compartment, a whole pile of fake identification cards came tumbling out. He gathered up all of the cards, wondering which one would be best to give to the prison guard.  
  
"How many ID's do you have, mister?" the impatient guard demanded to know.   
  
"Enough," Lone Prince told him bluntly, still debating on which one to hand the guard. He knew that he was going to have to think quickly before the guard became suspicious.  
  
"I have got to go!" Hurl cried. "I'm gonna explode!"  
  
"Look, you moron!" Lone Prince shouted to the guard. "My friend here has to use the restroom! Here take this ID!" He hastily handed the guard an ID, not paying attention to which one that he was handing to him.  
  
"Sir," the guard said curtly. "There's a problem with this ID."  
  
"And just what would that be?" Lone Prince asked furiously.  
  
"It's a picture of a woman."  
  
"WHAT?"  
  
"Unless you had a sex change recently, and your name used to be Holelotta Whoamon, this isn't you, mister. You and your gassy buddy there step out of the vehicle with the license and the registration immediately."  
  
Lone Prince yelled at an agonized Hurl, "Hurl, were you entertaining a call girl in our ship again?"  
  
"Yesssss!" Hurl cried, close to tears now, for his stomach felt ready to explode at any moment. "Two months ago!"  
  
The guard pulled out a radio and called for backup. Lone Prince wasn't for sure if the guard intended to have him and Hurl arrested, but he wasn't about to just stand around to find out. He had to think fast. As several guards gathered around the Capsulebago, Lone Prince called out to the guard, "If you and your friends want Hurl and me out of this vehicle, you'll have to come in and get us."  
  
"Fine then!" the guard huffed. "Then we will!"  
  
"I'll unlock the door," Lone Prince promised him, and he did.  
  
"Lone Prince, I'm about to go in my pants!" Hurl screamed, with tears mingling with his sweat.  
  
Lone Prince whispered to Hurl, "I have an idea, and your gas problems just might help…" He whispered his plan into Hurl's ear. Hurl nodded quickly, hoping that this plan would lead him to the restroom soon.  
  
As the door on Hurl's side of the Capsulebago opened, Lone Prince discreetly put on a gas mask that he kept hidden under his seat. "Now," he told Hurl, "we'll be using our own special version…"  
  
The guards came rushing into the Capsulebago…  
  
Hurl took a deep breath…  
  
And before anyone could prevent it, a loud, ripping sound similar to the sound of a whoopee cushion echoed throughout the Capsulebago. A noxious brownish-tinted gas filled the air, and the guards fainted immediately.  
  
"…Of the Fartz," Lone Prince concluded with a chuckle.  
  
"Ahhh!" Hurl sighed in great relief.  
  
"Excellent use of chemical warfare on your part, Hurl," Lone Prince praised.  
  
"Thanks, Prince."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Ten minutes later…  
  
A short guard waited impatiently outside of the men's restroom in the Screwball City Prison. His monkeylike tail waved about idly, as he waited for his friend in the men's restroom to come out. Finally, after what seemed to be an eternity, a tall, bulky guard, who also had a monkeylike tail, emerged from the men's room. Both men comfortably patted their laser guns that had been stolen from the gassed guards.  
  
"Finally, relief!" Hurl sighed contentedly.  
  
"Good," Lone Prince told him. "Now let's go rescue my woman."  
  
"You really care for her, don't you, Prince?" Hurl asked.  
  
"Hmmph," was all that Lone Prince would say, and Hurl grinned under his helmet. He knew then that his suspicions were correct. If Lone Prince had cared nothing for Bulma, he would have said so immediately.  
  
Lone Prince and Hurl began to walk slowly among the corridors, not wanting to attract attention by running or rushing. Finally, they reached the Royal Prisoners section of the prison ward. The two Saiyans walked faster along the corridor, peeking into every cell.  
  
Hurl peeked into one cell and saw Foghorn Leghorn and Daffy Duck in there. "Hey!" he shouted to the two birds. "What are you two doing here? You two birdbrains aren't royalty!" Lone Prince joined him in looking into the cell.  
  
"We-uh-we know that," Foghorn Leghorn stammered. "But we're about to be served up to Dark Horns and President Screw for dinner, dinner, I tell you, and they had nowhere else to stash us! The prisons are-uh-are-uh full, I tell you! Somethin' to do with all the people protestin' President Screw and Dark Horns wanting to become immortal and rule Screwball forever."  
  
"Will ya help us escape?" Daffy inquired frantically.  
  
"Tell us where Princess Bulma and Chichi Matrix are being stashed," Lone Prince ordered.  
  
"And if we do that, will you help us escape too?" Daffy asked.  
  
"Not if you don't tell us where Bulma and Chichi Matrix are being held right now!"  
  
"They're-uh-they're-uh being held in that durn cell four rooms down the hall from us," Foghorn Leghorn stammered.  
  
"Thanks, birdbrains!" Hurl shouted to Foghorn Leghorn and Daffy, as he and Lone Prince hurried down the hall.  
  
"Hey, what about us?" Daffy screamed.  
  
"Come back! Come back, I tell ya!" Foghorn Leghorn cried  
  
"They're disssss-picable!" Daffy hissed.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Bulma was banging on the door of her prison cell, screaming at the last guard who had just left and now was going down the hall, "I demand a phone call at least! I'm supposed to get at least that much! I want a phone call-and a lawyer-and a new dress! I'm royalty, for crying out loud! Someone get over here at once!"  
  
Lone Prince and Hurl neared the cell, hearing Bulma's ranting. Lone Prince chuckled. "I know that screeching anywhere." He called to Bulma, "Stop screaming, woman, before you break all the windows in this building!"  
  
"Now see here-" Bulma began, as Lone Prince and Hurl stopped at the door of her cell. "If you think that you're going to-"   
  
She was interrupted when Lone Prince took off his helmet. Lone Prince smirked at her.  
  
"Lone Prince!" Bulma cried in happiness. She then screamed to Chichi Matrix, who was in sleep mode, "Chichi! They're here! We're being rescued!" She ran over to the droid to awaken her.  
  
"Quiet, woman!" Lone Prince ordered. "Do you want to give us away?"  
  
"Sorry," Bulma apologized. "But how do you plan to get us out of here? That door is made out of the toughest metal on planet Screwball, and there aren't any keys-"  
  
"BOOM! CRASH!"  
  
Lone Prince grinned, as he retrieved his foot from the doorway. He had just kicked the door open and the door was dangling on what few hinges it had remaining intact.   
  
"Guess that answers my question," Bulma said breathlessly.   
  
He strutted into the cell and overtook Bulma within a matter of seconds. Then he planted a long, steamy kiss on her lips that made her nearly melt. Chichi Matrix tried to set off her Virgin Alarm, but she was horrified to learn that it was no longer working. Hurl chuckled and snickered.  
  
Tearing his mouth free from Bulma's, Lone Prince ordered, "Let's go!"  
  
Bulma was still in a dreamy haze.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Ten minutes later…  
  
They were nearing the entrance of the Screwball City Prison when suddenly two of the guards that Hurl had used his "chemical warfare technique" on emerged from one of the corridors. They were in their underwear, and both men were doubly embarrassed because one of them was wearing a pair of Barney boxers and the other one was wearing a pair of Teletubbies boxers.  
  
"Hey!" the guard who had first spoken to Lone Prince shouted. "Those two fools stole our uniforms!" (He was the one wearing the Barney boxers.)  
  
The other guard, the one who had been the original owner of Hurl's suit, shouted, "And gassed the crap out of us too!"  
  
"And we'll do it again, if we have to, Teletubbo!" Hurl snickered, referring to the big guard's boxers.  
  
"You're dead, baldy!" the Teletubbie-wearing guard cried, cocking his gun and pointing it at Hurl.  
  
Lone Prince, however, was faster than "Teletubbo", and he fired his gun at the guard first. Both guards fell to the floor to avoid the shots, but soon more guards came running out to fight. Within seconds, prison guards surrounded them.  
  
Hurl groaned, "Lone Prince, I know now is a bad time to say this, but I have to go to the restroom again!" His stomach cramps had returned.  
  
That gave Lone Prince an idea. He shouted to Bulma, "Bulma, can Chichi Matrix smell?"  
  
"No!" Bulma told him.  
  
"Good!" Lone Prince told her. "Then my plan won't affect her. Bulma, cover your mouth and nose and hold your breath."  
  
A confused Bulma followed his orders, and Lone Prince said to Hurl with a grin, "Hurl, give them another dose of chemical warfare!" He then covered his face.  
  
"With pleasure!" Hurl said wickedly, and he took a deep breath and…  
  
"ERRRRRRRRRR!"  
  
Within seconds, the loud foghorn-like sound echoed throughout the corridors, and the smelly fumes from Hurl's body engulfed the area. The guards gagged and fainted at the horrendous odors that had come from Hurl breaking wind. Lone Prince and the others carefully stepped over the fallen bodies.  
  
Covering his face with one hand and taking Bulma's arm with the other, Lone Prince began to run, and Chichi Matrix and Hurl followed him through the corridors. Soon, more guards appeared out of nowhere and began to chase the quartet down the halls.  
  
Hurl shouted to his three comrades, "Go on! I'll stall them!"  
  
"How?" Lone Prince inquired.  
  
Hurl grinned despite his stomach cramps. "Another dose of chemical warfare."  
  
Lone Prince got the message. He ordered Bulma to cover her face again, and he took her arm and Chichi Matrix's arm, and the three ran on ahead of Hurl.  
  
Hurl hastily dashed up to a vent, and his stomach was cramping again, nearly making him fall to his knees. Undaunted, Hurl took another deep breath and once again, he broke wind…only this time, his "chemical warfare" would go throughout much of the prison ward.  
  
"Ahhh!" many of the guards screamed, as the near-toxic fumes entered their noses and mouths, and they all began to drop like flies. Throughout the entire prison ward, guards were fainting everywhere from Hurl's own special version of the Fartz.  
  
Hurl grinned, as he caressed the Fartz ring that Lone Prince had lent him. Hurl's gas problems combined with the pungent power of the Fartz had helped to increase the power of Hurl's timely episodes of flatulence.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Twenty minutes later…  
  
"There's the exit!" Lone Prince shouted.  
  
"Let's hurry!" Bulma cried.  
  
Hurl had caught up with them by then. Chichi Matrix was ahead of the group, and she screamed when she saw the door closing.  
  
"Oh no! We'll be too late!" Chichi Matrix cried.  
  
"Hurry, everyone!" Lone Prince ordered.  
  
The door was about to come down, as it lowered rapidly in the doorway. Lone Prince seized Bulma by her waist and tossed her through the opening, and then he grabbed Chichi Matrix and threw her through the opening as well. Then just as the door was about to hit the floor, Lone Prince and Hurl got down on their knees and crawled quickly through it.  
  
"SLAM!" The door was now closed shut.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Five minutes later…  
  
Unfortunately that door had just closed on their luck as well, for at that moment, Captain Zarbon and Porto Rico came dashing out of another door, followed by an army of troopers.  
  
"Aha!" Captain Zarbon exclaimed. "Now, we've got you! Your foolish escape attempts were all for nothing! Now turn towards us!"  
  
"Yeah!" Porto Rico added with his fist in the air. "Then we're gonna pound you into nothing for defying Dark Horns! And then we're gonna-"  
  
Captain Zarbon smacked him in the back of his head, avoiding his spikes. "I'll do the talking here, Porto!" He then spoke to the four unfortunates who had tried so hard to escape, "So, you fools thought that you could so easily outsmart the best of the best of Dark Horn's forces-"  
  
The four new captives snickered and chuckled, and Captain Zarbon's eyes widened in horror when he saw that they were not who he thought they were.  
  
For one thing, Lone Prince was gobbling down on a turkey leg, and he was a little shorter, but much fatter than before. Grease and drool ran down his chin. Captain Zarbon gasped in horror when he saw that the man wasn't really Lone Prince!  
  
"You morons!" Captain Zarbon yelled to his men and Porto Rico. "You captured their stunt doubles!"  
  
"Lone Prince" belched loudly and said, "Hey, you have any Grey Poupon?"  
  
Porto Rico looked at the false Lone Prince. "Hey I know you-you're Yajirobe! You almost beat me last month in the Intergalactic Pie-Eating Contest!"  
  
"What are you doing here?" Zarbon demanded to know of Yajirobe. "And furthermore, how did you get hired to be Lone Prince's stunt double?"  
  
"Well, actually…BURP! I wasn't 'hired', more like threatened," Yajirobe admitted.  
  
"So were we," the false Bulma said sweetly. She took off her Bulma wig and revealed herself to be Lunch, a girl with darker blue hair than Bulma's.  
  
"I'm too old for stupid things like this…how I ever allowed Lone Prince and Hurl to force me into this, I can't imagine," the fake Hurl grumbled, as he removed his Hurl head mask. Everyone gasped when "Hurl" turned out to be really Piccolo.  
  
"Ugh! Someone help get me outta this thing!" a deep, manly voice within Chichi Matrix wailed, and Piccolo reluctantly yanked off the Chichi Matrix mask off of the stunt double's head. Everyone fell back and nearly fainted when they saw who had been playing Chichi Matrix.  
  
"HERCULE?" everyone exclaimed.  
  
"That's right! I can't believe Sawnya allowed me, the strongest man on Earth, to be put in this position!" Hercule complained. "I'm suing her when this story's over!"  
  
"Sawnya doesn't have anything to sue for," Piccolo told him. "Except for-"  
  
"Her computer and her Beanie Baby collection; we know that already!" everyone in the room exclaimed.  
  
"Well, never mind this," Captain Zarbon sighed. "Everyone, let's get the real Lone Prince and Bulma and, um…whoever those two other people were! Let's go!"  
  
"You all go on ahead without me," Porto Rico said. He grinned and leered at Lunch. "I'm gonna get myself better acquainted with this cutie here." He inched closer to Lunch.  
  
Unfortunately, for Porto Rico, Lunch turned out to be allergic to the dust on Screwball, and she emitted a huge sneeze:  
  
"AH-CHOO!"  
  
"Uh-oh," Piccolo sighed. "Here we go again."  
  
Within seconds, Lunch was her blond, deadly alter ego, and she whipped out an arsenal of guns from nowhere.  
  
"You're dead, you pervs!" she yelled, as she began shooting a machine gun at Porto Rico and the other hapless men. Gunfire exploded and several men were taken down quickly.  
  
"Captain Zarbon, what do we do now?" one of the guards asked.  
  
"What do you think, you idiot?" Captain Zarbon shouted. "RUN!"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Outside of the Screwball City Prison, in front of the Capsulebago…  
  
Lone Prince was struggling with the passenger-side door of the Capsulebago, trying in vain to open it. Meanwhile, more guards came running out the front door, determined to confront Lone Prince and the others. The guards wasted no time in firing lasers at the panicked escapees, and several of them hit the Capsulebago.  
  
"Hey, you idiots!" Lone Prince yelled at the guards. "I still owe over ten thousand spacezeni for this vehicle!"  
  
The guards immediately stopped shooting. "Sorry about that, man!" one of them said.  
  
One of the head guards came running out. "Why did you fools stop shooting?"  
  
"He said he owed money on that vehicle," another one of the guards told him. "Ten-thousand spacezeni, I believe he said."  
  
"I don't care if he owes ten thousand million spacezeni, now shoot!" the guard ordered. "Get rid of him and the others! Start shooting now!"  
  
"Yes, sir!" the guards obeyed him and started shooting again.  
  
"So much for buying time," Lone Prince muttered.  
  
"Well, do you know where the keys are?" Bulma demanded to know.  
  
"Umm…sure, we do," Hurl told her confidently.  
  
"Where?"  
  
"Inside the vehicle," Hurl said proudly.  
  
Bulma slapped her forehead and groaned, and Lone Prince cuffed Hurl for his stupidity.  
  
"I told you to get those keys out before we left!"  
  
"ZIP, ZIP, ZIP! WHIRRR!" The laser guns continued to fire at the panicked foursome, and they tried to dodge the lasers the best that they could.  
  
"We're getting this door open, if Hurl and I have to rip the door off its hinges!" Lone Prince fumed. He tossed his laser gun to Bulma. "Here, woman, you hold them off while we mess with this door!"  
  
Bulma took the gun, but looked at it in distaste. "I hate guns! I'm on every gun-control committee on Droolia! I can't shoot this thing-"  
  
She was interrupted when a laser shot across the tops of both of her breasts. Bulma was horrified at first, but then her horror turned into fury when she saw two scorch marks across the tops of her barely covered bosom, a bosom that had been exposed by the robe she had borrowed from Lone Prince on their last night together.  
  
"My breasts!" she cried. "No one messes with my boobs!" She cocked her gun.  
  
*Except for me,* Lone Prince thought wickedly to himself, but he wisely did not say this thought aloud.  
  
A furious Bulma aimed her gun at the firing guards and began to fire back at them in return. Every shot that she blasted brought a guard down to his knees-literally, since Bulma had aimed for their crotches. Within minutes, all the guards had fallen, and each one of them were clutching at their crotches and crying and wailing.  
  
"Ohhhhhhh!" one guard moaned. "Now my wife's gonna leave me for the cable man for sure!"  
  
"Owwweeee!" another guard sobbed.  
  
Lone Prince and Hurl (who fortunately remembered that he had a spare key and had used it to unlock the door) looked at Bulma in shock with their mouths agape. Lone Prince was both stunned and impressed with Bulma's superb shooting ability.  
  
"Well done, Bulma," Chichi Matrix said approvingly.  
  
Bulma smiled triumphantly.  
  
"I'm impressed, woman," Lone Prince added. "I never knew that you had it in you." He considered himself to be very fortunate to have found a woman such as this.  
  
Bulma smirked and leaned up to kiss Lone Prince squarely on his mouth. Lone Prince grinned, Hurl snickered, and Chichi Matrix grumbled, mourning the loss of the use of her Virgin Alarm. She became suspicious then, wondering if Bulma had given herself to Lone Prince. She glared darkly at Lone Prince, but neither Lone Prince nor Bulma were paying her any mind.  
  
Bulma blew the smoke off of the barrel of her gun after freeing her mouth and continued to smirk. 


End file.
